Growing up Grown

Someone once asked
If I could live with the ire
Of a father who did not care about my life

A man who did not once raise me
But for the hand to rebuke me
A man who expected return for an investment he never made
A man who left my mother to tend to things
Simply because he couldn’t be bothered

And when he realized
When the inevitability of mortality hit
He tried to make amends too late

In my life
Or not
He made no memorable difference in my life
Only succeeding in instilling fear in me
Of his unpredictability

Parents all have their motives
Their way of doing things
That none of us understand until we are in their shoes
But I know that this was not love
That I will never let my children live

In My Mirror

When I look in the mirror
I do not see beauty
I see all the things wrong with me
All the things that make me undesireable

But beauty is only skin deep
A mirror doesn’t just reflect the physical
A mirror shows you the cruelty behind my eyes
The lines of a frown
Permanently etched into my features

Why is it when you stand by my side
The hatred, the cruelty, the ugliness disappears?
What is that you bring that I do not have?
Standing next to you I’m perfect
Standing next to you makes me want to be better
A better version of myself
A better version for you
For our future
For our children

You made me believe
Brought out the best
Of who I could be

When I look at you
I see perfection
Still as can be
And true as true

How did a girl like me end up so lucky
To find someone as darling as you
What did I do to deserve this?

Regardless of it all
I love you
For what you have made me
For what you’ve brought to my life
And most of all
I love that you’ve opened my eyes
And allowed me to love myself