Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

You are the Company You Keep

You are the company you keep
You are the stories you read
The movies you watch
The songs you sing

You are the sports you play
The teams you cheer on
The stories you tell
And the people you love

You cannot escape from who you’ve become
You are a better person because of it
But also worse

You are the company you keep
And they’re not the kinds of people I would call nice
They’re not the kind of people who I would ever befriend
They are loud, obnoxious
And possess qualities I abhor

I may not be able to describe in detail
That which repels me
But I know to trust my gut
To go with my heart
And these are not people I would dare to befriend

We are very different people
You and I
We have our vices
And our flaws

They have become a part of you
And I can’t take that away from you
Either I learn to live with the anger and hatred that comes with being in their presence
Or I break my own heart
By saying good bye
To the one person who I love more than my own life
Who has become the sun by which my world revolves
Extinguished

Goodbye at Last

He left her there
Crying in the hotel room
To party with his pals

He left her crying
To go drinking
Because he couldn’t deal with her

Even in his embrace
In his kiss goodbye
He didn’t care how hurt and broken her heart had become
He had no love
No affection
No emotion
Left for her

She was a burden
But he had poured in so much time
So much money
That to leave
Was much worse than putting up with her

She lay there while he
Gambled away their future
Drank away their dreams
Becoming more and more hollow
Cold
And distant

When his head cleared
When he realized her words had merit
That behind her tears and vulnerability
Was true love
He didn’t rush up to meet her
He didn’t call or text her

Instead he let her think
He let her wallow in sorrow and self-pity
He let her worry about her insecurities
What was she to him?
Who was she?
Did it matter if she lived or died?

She knew now
That the world would be a better place
That he would be a better man
Without her

No one would miss her
She was sure
She could be replaced

After all
She was just a vessel
To carry a child
What did it matter?
It could be anyone

It had just been fate
Convenience
That threw them together

She loved him
She knew that much
But he didn’t love her
For who could love a nobody
An insecure, bat-shit crazy girl like her?

_______________________

He returned to their room
After drinks and sex
Why couldn’t she be like those easy girls?
Why couldn’t she just give in to his desires?

He glanced at her sleeping form
Shrugging and disappearing into the bathroom

He felt good
And why wouldn’t he?
He hummed to himself
Cleaning up before climbing into bed next to her

But something felt wrong
Something felt strange

He flicked on the lights to find nothing but a bundle of clothes
His heart filled with dread as he called out for her
She didn’t respond
She couldn’t
Not anymore

He found her lying in the bathtub
Still as could be
Pale as the moonlight
Her breath shallow
She lay there drowning in her own blood
Barely aware of his presence

Still
She knew he was there
She knew she had finally proven her courage to do what she had just done
She smiled
One last time
One last breath

Growing up Grown

Someone once asked
If I could live with the ire
Of a father who did not care about my life

A man who did not once raise me
But for the hand to rebuke me
A man who expected return for an investment he never made
A man who left my mother to tend to things
Simply because he couldn’t be bothered

And when he realized
When the inevitability of mortality hit
He tried to make amends too late

In my life
Or not
He made no memorable difference in my life
Only succeeding in instilling fear in me
Of his unpredictability

Parents all have their motives
Their way of doing things
That none of us understand until we are in their shoes
But I know that this was not love
That I will never let my children live

In My Mirror

When I look in the mirror
I do not see beauty
I see all the things wrong with me
All the things that make me undesireable

But beauty is only skin deep
A mirror doesn’t just reflect the physical
A mirror shows you the cruelty behind my eyes
The lines of a frown
Permanently etched into my features

Why is it when you stand by my side
The hatred, the cruelty, the ugliness disappears?
What is that you bring that I do not have?
Standing next to you I’m perfect
Standing next to you makes me want to be better
A better version of myself
A better version for you
For our future
For our children

You made me believe
Brought out the best
Of who I could be

When I look at you
I see perfection
Still as can be
And true as true

How did a girl like me end up so lucky
To find someone as darling as you
What did I do to deserve this?

Regardless of it all
I love you
For what you have made me
For what you’ve brought to my life
And most of all
I love that you’ve opened my eyes
And allowed me to love myself

 

 

 

 

Boats Against the Current

I look at the green dot
Sitting by your name
I think about the day you’ve had
I think about talking to you about it

But then I think
I’ll just be a bother
So I stare at the green
And feel as Jay Gatsby did
Looking at that green light
Off in the distance
Marking a place
I’ll never be
A place
I’ll never sail to

The Novelty of Love

Has the novelty of love worn off of you?

I remember a time
When we’d spend every waking moment
Talking and laughing
Waiting for each others’ replies

I remember a time
When I felt giddy in your presence
When just seeing me made you shiver with excitement

Has the novelty of love passed you by?

I hear no more sweet nothings
I hear no more replies
I wonder if I just died
Would you even know?

You say that you love me
But I feel it’s mechanical
Obligatory
A beautiful lie

My words are still true
My heart still beats for you
Forever and always
I will always choose you

You’ve gone back to your old ways
You say that you’re busy
But you make time when it’s convenient
You say that you’ve forgotten
And I believe it

Maybe I’m crazy
And maybe I overreact
But maybe I’m right
Maybe this is your way of saying
That you don’t love me anymore
Maybe
This is goodbye

All The Small Things

It’s easy to say
Don’t let the small things bother you
But you don’t know me
The intimate way I know me

You don’t know what it’s like
To have a small nip
Gnawing away your insides
Until it’s raw and throbbing in pain
Turning nothing into a life destroying travesty

I wish you could understand
That this is the way I am
I wish you could help me through it
Instead of telling me not to worry

What you don’t understand
Is the monsters under your bed
Live inside my head

Tag Cloud