Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

Satisfaction

To you he seems perfect
But what you don’t see
What you can’t see
Are beyond your worst imaginings

In the light of day
He smiles and laughs
Playing the fool
When his heart is breaking

When the blinds are down
When he lies in bed
Staring at the ceiling
When his demons come out to play
This is who he is

You want the perfect him
The version you see
Day after day
But life and love
Is choosing
Without rose coloured denial

If you could see
How he shrinks away
Recoils into himself
Because he doesn’t want to hurt anymore
To hurt himself
To hurt anyone
Would you still love him?

If you could see
His greatest weakness
Would you still stand by him?

Loving him isn’t easy
It isn’t the stuff of your dreams
But somehow
You can’t see that

Fooled by the illusion
You chase him blindly
You want him
Regardless of the cost

But you can’t see it
You only want him
Consumed and controlled
He dominates your every thought
Your every action

But you don’t love him
Not him
Just an idea
Just an idea

***

She stares at you
Her eyes wide
Listening to your every word
Clinging to every careless action

You know how she feels
And you know you shouldn’t
You wonder what she sees
You wonder if she knows

If she knew what you were
She wouldn’t love you the way she does now

When she’s with you
Her laughter comes easily
She smiles freely
She is happy

Your mind repeats
Over and over
It’s not worth it

But you want to know

The curve of her body
The taste of her lips
The melody of her voice
Intimately

You crave novelty

Deep down you know
You could never return her love
You know she is not the type to weather the storm

At the earliest sign of trouble
She would run the other way
Not looking back once
Not thinking twice

She’s just the same as all the rest
She’s not worth giving up all you have
Simply for the pleasure of a night

***

You watch from the sidelines
And see him slip through your fingers
You’re losing him
And you can’t do anything about it

What does she have that I don’t?
Why can she make him laugh
Smile
Feel at ease
Like you used to do

It’s been a long time
And you reassure yourself
It’s all in your head
It’s all in your mind

But it’s not, is it?
You see the want in her eyes
You see the answer in his

This can’t be right
Not them

Late at night
When the world is still
The tears well up

He’s there beside you
But provides no comfort
You can’t shake it from your memories

His fingers…
His perfect fingers
That you’ve studied and memorized in yours
Intertwined with hers
As he gives her that playful grin

How could you have been so naive?
How long have they kept you unaware?

You can feel your heart breaking
And there’s nothing you can do
To stop life from going on
And leaving you behind

Imposter

There she stands
Prim and proper
Poised and perfect

To the untrained eye
She is a god
Flitting about
Accomplishing things beyond mere human skill

She is truly incredible
A master in her element

But as time moves forth
You begin to see
She is not all she seems

From between the cracks
Of her picture perfect facade
Wisps of uncertainty like smoke escapes

But she is careful
For when she is asked
Her reply will always be
“I’m okay”

Beneath the surface
Lies a beast
Not one to destroy her
In the way you’d think

She will never seek help
For that is weakness
She will push herself
To breaking limits
Striving to the ends of the earth
Just to make the world a better place
For those she loves

But for herself
There’s no such love
For herself
There is only fault

A cycle
A chain
An unending loop
A course she treads
Alone in darkness

If only she could see
How brilliant she really is
That she could chase away the shadows
Who have haunted her
Since time immemorial

Forgotten

From across the room
You see her smile
With a face that could launch a thousand ships
Some would say she was beautiful

But not you
Deep inside
You know
You knew
A secret
Eating you up
A gnawing hunger

But you trust him
Don’t you?

Then you hear him laugh
As he leans into her
Sharing in a private moment
In a private joke

In a room filled with friends
You’ve never been more alone
An outsider
Trapped in glass
Screaming, but no one can hear you

And in this moment
This singularity in time
You crave nothing
Nothing more
Than
His attention
But he can’t see you
He can’t hear you

She has become his whole world
She is all he sees

You tremble
Searching for strength
In place you know you’ll never find it
Trying hard
Hiding your fear
Promising not to let it get to you

But you can’t

Because you know
Because you see
Through your heart
That though he has always been true
Always been yours
You have never seen him so happy
Never heard his laugh more melodic

For the first time
You doubt the words

“I love you…always.”

For he now keeps
What he once freely shared
Secrets and darkness
You never knew

The beautiful lies
Automatic now
Poison
Like the taste of her honeyed lips on his

And when offered the fruit
Forbidden and distant
He reaches out
And chooses her

Dragon Princess

I will always dream
Of the damsel in distress
Being the girl
In need of rescue

But I am the dragon
Able to hold my own
Damned to Hell
In flames that burn
Hotter than any passion you’ve ever known

So know that when I choose you
It is not of necessity
And that your favour
Shall only last
As I desire

Cracked

You say you know me
That you know that I am sweet
I am loyal
I am kind

But you don’t know me at all

This exterior
This perfect facade
Beautiful and polished
Is the perfect cover
For a deeper, darker secret

This is not who I am
I say I care when I don’t
I play the role the world expects of me
To make you think
That this beautiful package
Extends farther
But beauty is only skin deep
All I want is to destroy
To hurt

An insatiable cruelty lies at my core
A soul marred by that kind of darkness
Can never find happiness

Within my heart
Burns a rage that is incomparable to anything you’ve ever known
All that is wrong with the world
All the ways to torture
To murder
Are things that fuel the fire

You mean the most to me
And as such
You’re the one I want to hurt the most
To take you away
Cut you off from the world around you
To make you dependent only on me

Your happiness
Must depend on me
For without me
It’s only agony
Let me love you
Control you

After all
We’re just human
We all have our faults

Thrill of the Chase

Chasing this life
This dream

Never satisfied
With what we’ve got

Always wanting
Always taking

Never satisfied
With the the gifts we already hold

Each day in
Each day out
It’s the same story

But slowly
Slowly
The flame that once burned so bright
That burned so fierce
Begins to dim
Begins to fade

And all I want
Is to stop playing this game
To stop fighting to survive
To find purpose and meaning
In what I do

My soul is tired
I’ve known this for a while
Nothing’s left here
Nothing can heal my soul
Not any more

So let me sleep
Forevermore
Eternally locked
In Death’s sweet embrace
And wake me
When greed and pride
Are no longer

Hollow

Like the morning’s dew
Your kindness is fleeting
I find myself
Seeking comfort
Where there is none

Where is the joy
That you once brought?
My phoenix
My brilliant love
Hast thou burnt thyself to ash and dust?

You ask of my warmth
When yourself
You have none

Tired eyes
Constant lies
Where is the light
That ran through your veins?

Numbness
That’s all we feel now
Novelty faded
Just another creature
Passing by
Like strangers
Living together
Repeating the motions of love
When only feigned mirth
Reigns

When?
Why?
Has life come to this?

I miss us
On grand adventures
Atop the highest mountains
Gliding across the boundless seas

When our dreams
Knew no limits
When our youth fuelled
Our imaginations

Did we do this?
Set fire to ourselves?
Reduce such eloquence
Such ardent passion
To nothing more than ash?

Such is this life
This pitiful existence we have chosen
And yet
Shackled
I shall remain
Unable to lift my eyes
To meet your demands
To be that which you’ve always dreamed

I disappoint you
But you disappoint me

Even the Loyal Ones Cheat

A hundred days
A hundred years
In a blink of an eye
All to dust

And from the ashes you rise again
Not a phoenix
Nor a dragon
But unwanted

A monster of the deep
A perfect life disrupted

Friends
Lovers
Distant

You once held my respect
Re-enforced by truth
But it was only a facade

Roll after roll
Karma plagued you at every turn
Every stab at happiness
Ended with you bleeding out

All I wanted was for you to feel my pain
All I wanted was closure

What was once
A door in my face
Walls closing in
Is now my freedom

But somewhere
Echoing in the hollow caverns
In the barren cells
Buried in the recesses of my mind
Carved into the walls by a madman

“Even the loyal ones cheat”

I didn’t want to believe it
But when the words emerged
When the truth spilled forth
I felt nothing

Anger and sadness had long dispersed
Only disappointment remained

I wanted to scream
I wanted to cry
But nothing bubbles to the surface

Your words can’t reach me
You don’t deserve a reaction
For I know who I am

I found strength
When I thought I had none

I learned to build my walls from sand
Turned to stone
To create a fortress
That no other shall breach

You taught me something
I’ll never forget

I shall never give
My heart as freely as I once gave to you
For fortresses built from a shattered heart
Are filled with mistrust and deceit

And all the while
Life goes on
Filled with unwarranted optimism
My rose coloured lens
Now jaded
For every life
That walks in mine
Is spoiled
Because of you

It’s people like you
Invisible but present
That make others wonder why
I have trust issues

Threatened

Every glance
Every smile
Every gilded touch

Every moment
Every whisper
She steals away from you

Beside her
I feel
Inadequate
Small
Weak

A face that could launch a thousand ships
A smile that could start a war

She has it all
And I?
I have nothing
I am no one

You promise me
You love me
Always
And forever

But how
When human nature
Is so fickle
Can you promise such grandeur?

What does it feel like
To trust someone so completely
To give in
To surrender all defences
To believe

Too long have I known
The transient nature of love

I will never be good enough
I never have been

Like smoke
Flitting through my fingers
You are gone
Like so many before you
And I am alone again
Just as it’s always been

Empty promises
And fruitless dreams

You’re just another liar
Whom I’ve let in

Break down my defences
Enter through the gates
Trick me into trust
And wreak havoc on my heart

How I never learn
Is truly beyond me

One day I truly hope
I’ll learn to love myself

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