Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

Addicted to a Certain Lifestyle

I’m the kind of girl
Used to living a certain way
Living in the lap of luxury
With everyone at my beck and call
Doing everything I want
So that I can live my happily ever after

I have worked hard
To become this girl
I have sweat, blood, and tears
To prove my accomplishments

All I ask
Is that for one small part of my life
I be spoiled beyond compare

I don’t ask for much
But I ask for the very best
And I expect the very best

Because all my life
I’ve been told
Never to settle
For anything but the best

But love destroys the heart
Rewrites our wants and desires
Makes us see a man not for who they are
But who we want to be

 

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The Twins and the Scales

You and I come from two very different worlds.  Though both air signs, we see the world very differently. My world is based on emotion. All I see interpreted through my binary rose-coloured glass. Your world is based on reason, on justice, on principles of fairness.

I was never one for astrology. I always believed that it was a load of nonsense, but as I got to know you better, as I had the chance to explore who I was as a person, I realized that there are aspects of who we are that draws itself from astrology. Astrology is typically broad and in removing the identifying label on daily astrology readings, we could pretty much mix them around and no one would know any better. But the core of each of the signs holds a little truth.

I was born under the sign of Gemini, the twins. I’ve always been aware of my paradoxical nature. It’s true that that is the case for many, but for me, it always seemed more pronounced. I could go from being upbeat and positive to completely drained and pessimistic in a matter of minutes. I’ve constantly battled with the rational and creative sides of me, often the creative side won. I have nurtured this side of me, let it grow and control the majority of my life. This has helped me in a lot of ways, but those advantages are also my flaws. The biggest thing for me is my emotions.

Being give gifts of immeasureable value is meant to represent something more than materialism, but more often than not, it replaces the emotion it’s meant to symbolize.

To hold this ring or wear this necklace, simply serves to remind me of the better times with you, but instead I’m forced by society, by those around me to answer to the question of cost.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “Nowadays, people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.”

Not everybody can handle your kind of love
Not everyone is strong enough to stay by your side

You are different from everyone else
But so am I

Seemingly everywhere
My moods change on a whim
I feel emotions intensely
Extreme love
Obessession
Hate

Sometimes I’m called two faced
Because I can act
Act like I care
Act like we’re friends
But really all I want is to hurt you
To throw you into a pit of hungry lions
To burn you at the stake
To watch you die at my hand
But all you see is my smile
And hear my lies as truths

So how do you know if it’s love or hate
How do you know my heart truly feels?
To know me is to know my heart
Is it yours to possess?
Or will you drown in my eyes trying?

Broken Promises

Leave it on the bedroom porch
So that I may see you one last time
As I scale on up
Your castle walls

Leave it on the bedroom porch
Out in the cold
Down in the dumps
Just as you left my heart

You closed yourself off
Not just with me
Just with everyone
You’ve ever loved

Isolated yourself
Created your own world
Hidden behind the walls

You think in your own world
You can keep her safe
To make her feel special
Like she’s the only one

And she is
She always will be
But open up your doors
For a girl in a world as vast as ours
She is special because you chose her

In your world
She’s the only one
The only choice
A last resort

Open your doors
To your friends of old
Those you once shared laughter with
Who no longer acknowledge your presence
You are as good as dead to them
Because in a way you are

But there’s still a chance
Don’t cut me off
The way you have with them
You and I aren’t them
We’re something more

Though I’m no longer that only one
That special girl
In your special world
I still love you
And always will
You’re the one I’ll never forget
The one who got away
But two worlds apart

I can’t reach you in your isolation
I can’t touch you
Or feel your presence
I know you are there
But I cannot see you

I fear it is
You do not understand
What it is to be loved
And to return the love of maturity
That promises made
Friends or lovers
Were meant to be kept
Meant to be honoured

And while it may ring true
That so much tragedy and turmoil
Encases our lives
Encases our existence
It’s the choices we make
It’s the priorities we give
To break free from the chains and shackles
That hold us in our place

You are still a child
With so much to learn
You are still a child who cannot love a woman untamed
Wild and feral
Like the wolf
You are still a child
Who cannot understand
To give yourself selflessly
Until you learn the meaning of man
A woman will always be out of your grasp

Two words
A promise
So long ago
Best friend
Weighted

Words
Though arbitrary
Carry with them
Power and meaning
That you’ll never understand

They’ve given me a strength
I never thought I had
A power even I cannot master
So do not hope
Dear child
That you can force surrender
When you do not even understand
The power behind your promises
Behind the words you thought empty

Because, my dear
You’re playing with fire

For the First Time in Forever

Here I stand
At the edge of a precipice
The worst days of my life behind me
The best days ahead

Another day
Another step
Taking me farther
From the pain of it all

I look back
Another stage
Another chapter
In this game
This story
We call life

I’m certainly not who I used to be
And I’m certainly not who I will be
But I look forward to the long journey that awaits

I want to thank all those who have been there
A part of my life
Supporting me
Pushing me
Further
Higher
Than I ever thought possible

I’ve learned so much
To get where I am
But I’ve so much more to grow

I will do whatever it takes
To be the best of the best
To rise up
And show the world who I am
To stand atop this mighty peak
And shout for all to hear
The melody of the ever reverberating rhythms of my soul

I will shake the very foundations
Of the world that I built
The earth will tremble
With every step
Building
And rebuilding
The known universe

I know now
I can hold my head up high
That for everything that has sought to crush me
Only paved my way to success

I am proud of who I am
Of who I’ve become

And soon the world will know it too

When I Loved You

Looking back
Across the time
I can see that love
I used to know

The strength
The passion
Lost with time

I was the only one
For whom you promised
No other girl
No other woman
Has won your heart
So completely as I have

Until her
I am the only one
Until her
I was your greatest love
But when you meet her
You’ll know
For the greatest love you’ll ever have
Will be for the one you call your wife

And she will be the luckiest woman
Because she has your love

Deserve

People say I deserve this
And I deserve that
That I deserve to be happy
And all my dreams to come true but I don’t believe that

I don’t deserve anything blindly
Everything is earned
Everything must be paid for
Everything has a price
Even love

I believe that things will come with time
But at the same time I don’t

Nothing was I’ve ever obtained from life came from waiting
Anything and everything I have is because I pursued it
Chased it
Grabbed it
And made it mine

For everything that I am
For everything that I’ve done
It’s easy to say that I deserve to be happy
To be in love
To have everything I ever want

But how do I stop loving someone who has been my whole world?
How do I turn off the pain?
I never learned what it is not to chase my dreams
You were my dreams

Together we became broken
But I don’t know how to walk away
Because I was always taught to fix what I could
To salvage and work through every problem I ever had
Not to throw away
To abandon
What could not be

I don’t know what it means to give up
To walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to me
To file away the emotions
To forget everything we’ve been through

You’ve left me heartless
A hole remains
Hollow and cold
Leaving behind nothing but pain

Now I know what it is when someone makes time for you
Makes an effort to be in your life
Instead of making excuses

You’re more of a man than you might think
You’ve done everything right in my eyes
You’ve showed me that not all men will hurt me
You’ve showed me that there is hope
Hope that the sand that my heart has become
Will one day turn to glass
Become whole again
When that someone comes along
But can it be
That dust and sand
Can once again
Become a beating human heart?

When I showed you who I really was
The darkness beneath the light
The insanity hidden by this mask
You still stayed
Despite the ups and downs I forced you through
You loved me
For who I was
Held me close
And told me that it would be ok
Because you were there
That you would always be there to face the world with me

I can’t help but think
That no one else in the world would put up with me
Would accept me for who I truly am
That I will spend my life hiding behind that mask
Pretending to be someone I’m not
Because who could love an unpredictable monster
Such as me

No one could handle me at my worst
I’m a hurricane that displaces
I’m an earthquake that divides

I want to ask you
Do you know what it feels like
To be so filled with dread that your blood runs cold
When you wake in the middle of the night
Fighting
Struggling against the demons fighting for what’s left of your heart
Squeezing it
And turning the already minute particles
Into their respective atoms

I’m so glad to have had you in my life
To have filled me with so much joy
And so much pain
Maybe if I didn’t care so much
It would hurt as badly
I do not regret loving you
It is better to have loved and lost
Than to have never loved at all

Time will not heal all wounds
It only dulls the pain
But one day
I will raise my head high
I will look across the world
And I will remember
You loved me
And I survived

Perpetuity

For once I wish I wasn’t right
The wounds are still fresh
And though I want what’s best for you
My heart isn’t ready for you to fall in love with someone else so soon

You will always hold a part of me
The part that I’ve give you
The part that will always be yours
That piece is your piece alone
No one can take that away
From me
Or from you

I still hear your voice before I fall asleep each night
I still hear you saying to me
“See, I still love you.”

But do you?
Did you?

You couldn’t see the signs I saw
And I always took you to be a better man
Hell, I still believe in that
But to drop me like I meant nothing
To pursue her so soon after
I really was nothing

At the end
In the end
You weren’t there emotionally anymore

I could feel that I didn’t mean as much to you
You didn’t look as me like I was gold
Not anymore
I wasn’t the only girl in the world
I was just yesterday’s garbage

Nobody
And nobody would notice
If I were to slip away
Quietly
Slowly

For a world doesn’t need me
A girl with too many tears
A heart shattered to sand
Blowing away in the wind

Logic and reason keep telling me you’re not right for me
My heart remains unconvinced
So I fight back the tears
But like a dam
They cannot be stopped

But I am also strong
I am also the girl who will prove to the world she doesn’t need anyone but herself
And forever I’ll wear this mask
And tell the lie
That I’m always fine

How often I’ve wanted to scream out
To shout
I’m not fine
I can’t do this
I can’t take it anymore
This is the end

But how do you stop
When all your life you’ve maintained this facade?
Worn a mask
And slipped into a body suit of the perfect girl with a perfect life

One thing is for certain
I will love you no matter what
And if I have to sacrifice my happiness
If I have to watch you love someone else
If I have to suffer through eons of pain
I’ll do that for you
Because even if you can’t or don’t love me back
My feelings will never change
You will always be someone I care for
You will always be special

And nothing in the world will ever change that.

 

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