Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Archive for December, 2015

You Better Make Damn Sure

I’ve always known that I should never make someone as a priority when all I am to them is an option. It really hurts me because you said that honesty and loyalty are the most important things to you. And as much as I want to believe that, I know that can’t be true. Because there is no one in the world who is so busy that they won’t make time for those they love, there is no one in the world who won’t make time to spend with friends. And sure it’s easy to say that I should cut him out of my life, to choose to let him go, life is hardly ever so clear cut, life is hardly ever so easy.

A part of me loves the things that he is, the things that he does, and the man that he’s grown into. A part of me knows that I will keep loving him even when the walls come crumbling down around me with no hope of escape. I would die and give my life so that he could live, so that he could be happy and what crushes me most is that I’m learning that he’s not the kind of man who would do the same.

You can lie to me and maybe I’m naive for believing you, but you better be damn sure I never find out what you’ve done. I will always believe in the best in people even when I deal with the worst of them on a daily basis. I refuse to let this world harden me. For though I appear tough and independent, though I appear to be able to hold my own and be happy and smile and joke, inside, I am constantly falling apart, I am constantly giving up my own happiness to see you smile.

Sure I didn’t have the worst childhood in the world, but I didn’t have the best. So many things were kept from me and I didn’t learn of love until too late. Each time I’ve fallen in love, I’ve heard the words “that’s nice” or even a callous laugh. I have never been told that I’m beautiful or have done a good job. All I know is that which I cannot do, that I’m useless and good for nothing. And though I prove myself time and time again, capable of such great things, with a self-esteem so low, with a self worth that is non-existent, I cannot survive for much longer. Everyday I can feel a bit of my sanity slipping away. I can pretend that I’m happy and that I’m confident, but the truth is, is that I’m not all that.  I can pretend so well that sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I’m alright, when in actuality I am not. Maybe I can fool the world around me, but I know the demons that lie within me. They will never die. Always fueled by self hatred and depreciation.

I won’t go on waiting for a future that doesn’t exist. I never believed that I would fall in love. Never believed that there is someone out there for me. Who could ever want someone as broken and scarred as me? The romantic in me hopes, but the realist tells me not to because it knows, it knows how to spare me the pain. But the romantic always wins, there’s always hope. And from my hope I’ve grown to be quite the masochist. Without pain, I don’t know how to feel anymore. Without pain, there’s no pleasure. I hurt myself to produce the best literature I have ever written. My best poetry especially is born of the excruciating anguish, but it is also born of extreme love. I will always welcome this pain.

So in other words, I never want to stop feeling these emotions. I never want this pain of hoping for a future that doesn’t exist to end. I will fight to my dying breath with words that are the songs of my soul.

Just an Option

I supposed that it’s half my fault
For the pain that I have gone through
In these last few weeks
Because when I admitted to myself
That I loved you
I opened up my heart
And let you in
Let you in to wreak havoc
And destroy me from with in

I never knew this would happen
But with my boundless optimism
I should have predicted as much

In my days of pessimism
The days in which I would constantly berate myself
When I had no self-esteem
I was better off

I never expected
I never hoped
I always knew
I’d never find love

I’ve tried and failed
So many times
That I should know better than to fall in love

Love can lift you
Love can make you a better person than you ever were before
But love can destroy you
Burn you down without a care
It’s a double edged sword
That I could once handle

But to experience failure
To never be able to be loved
Has slowly worn away at me

I’ve lost all hope
That I’ll be happy in a relationship
As much as I want to be loved
I don’t want to hurt this much ever again

Restaurant Review: NOtaBLE

Location: 4611 Bowness Rd NW
Website: http://notabletherestaurant.ca/

For the longest time I’ve wanted to come here. And finally, on Julia’s birthday we got the chance. Situated in Bowness, this gem is a stark contrast to the community around it. While the rest of the community looks rather weathered, as many of the older communities are, this restaurant is a modern delight. At the entrance we were greeted by a friendly hostess. Though we had made reservations, there had been some kind of mix up, resulting in a slight delay, but we didn’t mind. Watching the chefs work in the open kitchen was mesmerizing. Once that was sorted, we were seated near the back of the dining room. I sat facing a mirror (mirrors always are great at creating an illusion that the place is bigger than it really is) and to my left a giant window looking out onto the street to remind me exactly where I was.

The waitress was prompt in getting our drink orders in, I had a jasmine green tea and Julia had the Cherry Cola (The Grizzly Paw Brewing Company’s soda’s are popping up everywhere. I had this same one at Charcut when I went, they’re fantastic, so I understand why so many restaurants are taking them on). For entrees we both decided on burgers, she had the Grilled BC Albacore Tuna Burger and I had the NOtaBLE burger, both with fries. The Tuna Burger was a beautifully seared patty of tuna served on a sesame bun, topped with  togarashi mayo, pickles, and local butter leaf. To be honest, the pickles were more like slightly pickled cucumbers. I liked that because it provided a fresh contrast to the fish, lifting it. As delicious as it was, I don’t think I would have been able to eat the entire thing on my own. The NOtaBLE burger was essentially a meatloaf burger which consisted of a mix of naturally raised pork & beef served with smoked Cheddar, a slice of beefsteak tomato, lettuce, roasted onion, and mayo atop an Asiago cheese bun. The mixture of pork and beef made the patty more moist and was very meatloaf-y. The roast onion provided the right amount acidity to make the dish pop. It may not be the best burger I’ve had ever, but it’s up there.

Though we were both pretty full, we decide a birthday meal wouldn’t be complete without dessert. Julia settled on a Stilton cheesecake (yes, it’s blue cheese) and I had the Dark chocolate milk pie. The cheesecake had been bruleed, adding another depth of texture to it. The rhubarb compote provided a tart contrast to the creaminess inherent in cheesecakes, making them a nice pairing. The blue cheese taste was not overbearing, it was actually almost unnoticable. Had I not known that Stilton was blue cheese, I would have never guessed it was in there. Though I don’t really like how strong blue cheese is, the marbling colour of blue and white are beautiful, and I would have loved to see that imitated in the cheesecake itself. My pie had oatmeal cookie crust served with a mandarin marmalade and vanilla gelato. In all honestly, I ordered this for the gelato. In the last little while, I’ve had an obsession with vanilla gelato, but it’s so good so who can blame me right? The pie was more like a dark chocolate ganache tart I had attempted a while back, incredibly rich and I could have done with a smaller portion size (and if the portion size was reduced, the price would have to be adjusted accordingly), but it was still delicious. While orange and chocolate are a classic pairing, the orange failed to measure up to its potential. For me, it just fell flat, not giving me the brightness orange usually promises.

Overall, great atmosphere, great service, and great food. Though the menu is not extensive, I would most definitely come back here again. This place would be great for a cozy date night. 4.25/5.

Open Kitchen Notable

Open Kitchen

Notable interior

NOtaBLE interior

Burgers Notable

Back: NOtaBLE Burger Front: Albacore Tuna Burger

Dessert Notable

Top: Dark Chocolate and Milk Pie with Mandarin Marmalade and Vanilla Gelato Bottom: Stilton Cheesecake with Rhubarb Compote

Restaurant Review: Wayo

Location: 2320 4 St NW

After a long hard day suffering through the LSAT, I guess I could say it was nice to have some Korean BBQ. Normally we got to Seoul or Koreana (which is unfortunately now closed), but we decided to give this place a try.

Unlike Seoul or Koreana, they don’t have the option of a set course dinner for 3-4 people or 2-3 people which is usually just the right amount of food for us, so we went with the 4-5 people combo option meaning it was more expensive than what we normally got. The combo included a choice of appetizers: seaweed salad or seafood pancake, BBQ: chicken bulgogi, pork bulgogi, beef bulgogi, and short ribs, and hot pot: mushroom & bulgogi, pork bone & potato, and kimchi & pork. It was different (a nice different) to be able to be able to customize the meal to a degree. We chose the seafood pancake, chicken & pork bulgogi, short ribs, and pork bone and potato hot pot. In addition to these dishes there were about 8 side dishes: fresh green salad, kimchi, sweet glazed potatoes, jap chae, bean sprouts, seaweed salad, pickled cucumber & radish (daikon), and glazed soy bean. And of course the staples of every one of these meals is lettuce and rice.

Personally, my favourite sides were the green salad, jap chae, bean sprouts, seaweed salad, and pickled cucumber & daikon. All of them had the touch of acidity needed to complement the richness of the meat. My only complaint was as a side dish the jap chae was “cold” which made it not taste as good as it could have. The pancake was huge as the combo was meant for 4-5 people and it was chock full of seafood, which I was very happy about. More often than not, the pancake is onion and batter with maybe one piece of seafood per slice if you were lucky. It was pretty good, but considering that we get a heaping bowl of rice each, I think that it would have been a better option to have gone with the seaweed salad, especially if the side dish was any indication as to how good it was. While the chicken and pork bulgogis were good, I would have really like to have had the beef bulgogi because I have chicken at home all the time and pork, depending on the cut can be quite dry and boring. I know that we chose each of the ones we did for the variety, but if we ever come back here, I want that beef. There’s not much that needs to be said about the short ribs. Short ribs are honestly my favourite thing every time we go for Korean BBQ. Despite being really difficult to eat with the metal chopsticks, the taste and texture are phenomenal. What I liked about their short ribs was that they were a thicker cut than most other places I’ve been too, more meat, more happiness. The pork bone and potato soup was nothing like the one we had at Jang Mo Jib, but that was because this one has no other option besides spicy. At Jang Mo Jib, you can tell them not spicy, mild, medium, or hot (or something like that), but here they give it to you like it is. And let me tell you, I don’t like spicy, hot soups because they burn and not in the good way. I’m usually pretty good at holding my own when it comes to spicy food, with this, haha, I’m reduced to tears and that’s with me avoiding the jalapenos.

Overall, I was very satisfied with my experience here. Service was good and so was food. I liked that the grilling pit didn’t emit as much smoke as the traditional ones (which usually needs a hood attached to the ceiling above to get rid of some of that smoke). The contraption was also a lot easier to control than the traditional ones where we are often left trying to figure out how to turn it up or turn it off (usually resulting in us turning it off when we need to turn it up or vice versa). Next time I come back, I’d like to bring along a few more people and go with friends instead of family. This place provides a warm cozy retreat from the cold (but maybe it was so warm and cozy for me because we were seated right near the fireplace). I’d rate this place a 3.75/5.

Lots of side dishes

Side Dishes

Korean Pancake

Seafood Pancake

BBQ

On the grill: Chicken Bulgogi (and onion and enoki mushrooms) On the plate: Pork Bulgogi and Short ribs

pork and potato soup

Pork Bone and Potato Soup

Two sides of Broken

Do you have any idea
What it’s like
Waking up one day
Loving the world
Knowing your dreams
And what you wanna do
For the rest of forever
And the next morning after
Laying in bed
Barely able to move
Your heart pounding in your chest
Your anxiety choking you

Do you know what it’s like
To feel like such a failure
Not having done anything useful with your life

I may not have led a hard life like some
But this doesn’t prevent me from an anxiety filled future

Everyday it’s getting harder
To look myself in the mirror and tell myself that everything will be ok
When I know that it won’t be

How can someone as broken
And as divided as I
Ever find someone who can
Keep up
And love me for all the ups and downs

I may not be the most sensitive
Or the tactful
But I know
That when I love you
I will trust you
And give you my all

I will believe your lies
Until you give me a reason not to
But most of all
I will see you as perfection
Even when the world can’t see it
Even when you can’t see it

So please
Give me a chance
I may be high maintenance
But I can guarantee you
You’ll know
When I’m through with you
That you’re the best thing
That this world has

 

Restaurant Review: Pie Cloud

Location:  314 D 10th Street NW
Website: http://www.piecloud.ca/

Though I’ve categorized it as a restaurant, I’d say it’s more like a cross between a cafe and a restaurant. Maybe a bistro? I’m not sure exactly what the right word for it would be. As with most of the restaurants and cafes I’ve been to in the Kensington area, this place is quaint and cute.

The first thing that struck me when I walked into the place was how empty it was. I had heard that it was on the pricier side, but if the food was good, I expected it to be packed regardless. We were promptly seated and given a chance to peruse the menus. Me being me of course, I had already looked at the menu before coming because one I take forever to decide on what I want and two because if the food doesn’t sound appealing to me, I don’t want to go. While the atmosphere of the place is quaint and cute, the food can only be described as comfort. The menu consists primarily of pies, hence the name, but they also have a variety of food that aren’t pies (cleverly headed as “not pies” on the menu). Our waitress started us off with drinks almost immediately. Julia ordered a coffee and I had a winter gold tea. Both came from local business in the area, mine from The Naked Leaf and Julia’s from The Roasterie (which was right next door). The Winter Gold tea was magnificent and fragrant. Not only were the colours beautiful, the sweetness of the tea was not overwhelming. With that out of the way, it was time to focus on entrees. My initial reaction to seeing a Mac and Cheese Pie was disgust and confusion. I couldn’t imagine something so starchy ever being enjoyable, but putting that aside I decided to give this a try (also, bacon lattice, like come on, even though I don’t like bacon that much, a bacon lattice sounds so awesome!). It was a strange combination and I didn’t end up eating much of the pie crust, but it was something worth trying. My friend Julia ordered the Boston Chowder Pie. That was one of the pies I had considered trying, but was concerned that the pie filling would be more like a clam chowder and be very runny, but I was wrong. It was thick and creamy and filled with a hearty helping of clams, bacon, and assorted vegetables all wrapped in a wonderful, flaky potato crust. Each pie comes with a choice of sides, I had the coleslaw and Julia had the butternut squash soup. The coleslaw was more acidic that I had expected, but it was a good counter for the richness of the mac and cheese. The butternut squash soup was served in a cup and in no way measured up to Vendome’s butternut squash veloute. For dessert, we decided to share a slice of pecan pie. I had been craving pecan pie for a while and unfortunately I was about to be disappointed. I had thought if the entree pies were any indication as to the size of their portions, there was no way that we could each get a slice of pie and finish it after having had the entrees. The pie itself was actually quite nice. Very butter and flaky crust and overall, it wasn’t too sweet. However, for $8, the size of the pie didn’t measure up. Next time I think I’ll give their mermaid pie a try.

I like this place for the fact that they help support some of the local business in the area and that there’s a place in Calgary where I can find comfort food for those days when you need it most. What’s also interesting is its address: 314. On the “About Us” section of their webpage, they point this out. The significance. 3.14 is of course Pi. Their menu is quite extensive and any of their savoury pies sound so delicious that I intend to return to try them all. It would be interesting to try out their breakfast ideas one day as well. Our waitress was very attentive and I can find little to complain about. However, as mentioned earlier, the prices can be a bit steep for some and the size of the pecan pie was disappointing. Other than that, I’d have to say everything else was perfect. 4/5

pie cloud exterior

Pie Cloud Exterior

Pie Cloud interior 2

Pie Cloud Interior

Pie cloud interior

Pie Cloud Interior

Decoration

Decoration

Winter Gold Tea

Winter Gold Tea

Mac and Cheese Pie

Mac and Cheese Pie with Coleslaw

Boston Chowder Pie alone

Boston Chowder Pie with Butternut Squash Soup

Pecan pie

Pecan Pie

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