Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘love’

Even the Loyal Ones Cheat

A hundred days
A hundred years
In a blink of an eye
All to dust

And from the ashes you rise again
Not a phoenix
Nor a dragon
But unwanted

A monster of the deep
A perfect life disrupted

Friends
Lovers
Distant

You once held my respect
Re-enforced by truth
But it was only a facade

Roll after roll
Karma plagued you at every turn
Every stab at happiness
Ended with you bleeding out

All I wanted was for you to feel my pain
All I wanted was closure

What was once
A door in my face
Walls closing in
Is now my freedom

But somewhere
Echoing in the hollow caverns
In the barren cells
Buried in the recesses of my mind
Carved into the walls by a madman

“Even the loyal ones cheat”

I didn’t want to believe it
But when the words emerged
When the truth spilled forth
I felt nothing

Anger and sadness had long dispersed
Only disappointment remained

I wanted to scream
I wanted to cry
But nothing bubbles to the surface

Your words can’t reach me
You don’t deserve a reaction
For I know who I am

I found strength
When I thought I had none

I learned to build my walls from sand
Turned to stone
To create a fortress
That no other shall breach

You taught me something
I’ll never forget

I shall never give
My heart as freely as I once gave to you
For fortresses built from a shattered heart
Are filled with mistrust and deceit

And all the while
Life goes on
Filled with unwarranted optimism
My rose coloured lens
Now jaded
For every life
That walks in mine
Is spoiled
Because of you

It’s people like you
Invisible but present
That make others wonder why
I have trust issues

Threatened

Every glance
Every smile
Every gilded touch

Every moment
Every whisper
She steals away from you

Beside her
I feel
Inadequate
Small
Weak

A face that could launch a thousand ships
A smile that could start a war

She has it all
And I?
I have nothing
I am no one

You promise me
You love me
Always
And forever

But how
When human nature
Is so fickle
Can you promise such grandeur?

What does it feel like
To trust someone so completely
To give in
To surrender all defences
To believe

Too long have I known
The transient nature of love

I will never be good enough
I never have been

Like smoke
Flitting through my fingers
You are gone
Like so many before you
And I am alone again
Just as it’s always been

Empty promises
And fruitless dreams

You’re just another liar
Whom I’ve let in

Break down my defences
Enter through the gates
Trick me into trust
And wreak havoc on my heart

How I never learn
Is truly beyond me

One day I truly hope
I’ll learn to love myself

Morning Dew

It’s early morning
And dawn remains unbroken
You turn out the lights
As the door softly closes

A quick glance
Without regret
A soft mutter into the dark silence

A voice
That sparked joy
Can no longer hold you back
As time puts distance between us
And when the morning shines
It’s too late
For like dew
You are gone

Every trace
Every memory
Hazy and faded
Like an old photograph
Slowly disintegrating

And once more
I find myself
Staring into the abyss
Alone again

Of the Small Things

Prompt: How did you end up with that much?

She looked over at him.  Just a glance at first, but something made her do a double take.
“Wait a minute!”
“Hmm?”
He looked up, his mouth full of ramen noodles.
“How did you end up with that much?!”
“Of what?” he said, continuing to shove noodles in his mouth.
“That,” she said pointed to the noodles.
He looked at his bowl and then at hers and back at his and shrugged.  Her pouted and started inching closer to his bowl with her chopsticks.  A smiled tugged at the edges of him lips as he tried to conceal what he was about to do next.  Slowly, he began to inch his bowl away from her.
“Stop it!”
“Stop what?”
“Moving away from me!”
“I’m not!”
“You so are!”
With a swift motion, she drove her chopsticks into his bowl.  With his, he clamped down on hers, effectively preventing any movement.
She let out the most irritating whining screech that annoyed the hell out of everyone except for him; he found it endearing.  He laughed as she pouted again.
“Oh, come on babe.  I’m kidding, you can absolutely have some.”
“YAY!” she squealed at a pitch that was only audible to dogs.
He smiled again wrapping his arm around her waist.
And he thought he was the luckiest guy in the world.

The Colour of Her Eyes

Her phone rang.  Caller unknown.

She didn’t typically pick up calls from people she didn’t know, but something compelled her to do so tonight.  She immediately regretted it.

“Hello.”

“Minnie, it’s me.  You busy?  Wanna grab a drink tonight?  I can swing by your place and pick you up if you want?”

“Tonight…?”

“Or any night.  Look, baby, I’m sorry.  I fucked up.  There, I said it. I. Fucked. Up.  I should’ve never let you go.  I miss you so much and I want you back, baby.”

Three months ago she would’ve given anything to hear those words.  But that was three months ago.  She learned a lot about her own self worth in that time, to understand what it meant to love someone, to miss them, but to recognize that they didn’t deserve to be in her life anymore.

“Minnie, you still there?”

“Uhh, yeah.  Sorry, you were saying?”

“Do you think you can give me a second chance?  I mean, we’re only human, we all make mistakes.  You’re not perfect, but neither am I.  I made a mistake.  I’ve fessed up.  So you gotta take back, babe, that’s how this works right?”

“I-I don’t know what to say…”

“Yes, say yes.”

“Before I do, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.  Anything.”

“Tell me what colour my eyes are.”

“What?”

“What colour are my eyes?”

“If I answer this, I’ll get you back?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Whether you give me the right answer.”

“There’s a wrong answer?”

“What do you think?  Of course, there is.”

“Uh…mmm…bl..ree…brown?”

The colour of her eyes held the warmth of saccharine liquid gold on a frigid, winter’s eve.  Their lustre rivalled that of the finest obsidian.  And the way sparkled in the sunlight, like golden sapphires made them all the more beautiful.  But the one thing that set her apart from all others was the way her eyes lit up when she talked about her passions; they were brighter than fireworks on the fourth of July.

To call them brown was like saying the ocean was big.  It wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t right either.  There were so many ways to describe her eyes that calling them brown was a huge injustice.  To the world, they were just ordinary, but to a lover, they were poetry.

Self Loathing Love

They say
To love someone
You must first love yourself
But I think it untrue

For loving you
I forgot
My pain
My loneliness
And self-loathing

Loving you
Showed me
I was capable
Of giving you my whole world
Of risking everything I believed in

By making my heart vulnerable
I was given a strength I knew not

But you shattered it
To a thousand shards

The resiliency of humanity
Will always surprise me

For from the ash and dust
From the infertile sands
A phoenix emerged
Burning ever so bright

Fire was never meant to be contained
Heartbreak showed me my true nature
That I will love
No matter the circumstance
No matter how broken I may become
No matter how many
Bandages
And stitches
I will always burn bright

For nothing can extinguish these external flames
Least of all
A boy
Who doesn’t understand what it means to love

Prompt: “You have to love yourself before you love anyone else” bullshit!  I have never loved myself, but you, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.

The Idea of Love

Looking back
On every poem you inspired
Makes me smiled
To remember the good times
And the bad
To remember the pain
But also the pleasure

It’s not that I don’t still love you
Or that I never did
But I realize now
I don’t miss you
I’ve never missed you
I’ve only ever missed the idea of loving you

Of being there
To support you as you go on your way
To nurture you and watch as you grow
To be by your side as you realized your potential

To give my everything
Was all I ever wanted
To find the home I never had
For home is not a place
But a person

People may come and go
But one will always remain
The one lives in my mind
Build by imagination
My first love
And my last

The day I see his face in you
Will be the day I stop falling in love with an idea
And start building the life
I’ve always dreamt

In an Ivory Tower

When she was just a little girl
She was told
The World was her oyster
She just had to work hard enough
Long enough
Wish it and want it enough

It could all be hers

So came the day
She traded her sneakers for heels
Her morals for money
And her scars faded to ink

Until the day she met him
Where his days were her nights
Until that day
Till her very last
She had been taught
Forced to swear an oath
Never to be docile
Never to be meek
Always to assert
That which was hers
Always to fight
Like an animal cornered
For her rights and her beliefs
For no other would
To never show tears
Nor emotions
For they were weakness
Not strength

But the curve of his lips
And the depths of his eyes
Swept away her breath
From the moment he spoke
To her very sigh
Her heart was swept away
With his every line

And she learned from him
That there was strength in their love
An emotion
Something she never thought possible
She was his
And he was hers
And there was never a more beautiful ending

To think they found bliss
Living happily ever after
Would be a lie
For everything that came to her
Perished at her touch
The fantastical stories
She dreamt and wrote
Were lies she could never live

Happily ever after
Was someone else’s dream
Love was meant for someone else
Not her

Everything she touched
Everyone she loved
Turned to ash
Singed by the fire that followed her always
Waiting to destroy anything
That neared her heart
Protecting her
From the unknown and unseen enemy

So he
Like so many before him
Unable to bear the flames
Slain
By dragon fire

So he
Another casualty
Another failure
Another liar

She would learn
The promises of men
Would never be kept
Not to her
And should she want
A happily ever after
She would have to make her own

And so she befriended the dragon
Who had guarded her heart so fiercely
All these long years
And fell in love
With herself

Deep inside
She found a different kind of strength
That could only be realized through
Seeing the truth

She didn’t need anyone else
She never did
All along
She was more powerful
Than she had been led to believe

She just had to believe

And when the one
Finally came along
He made her flames soar higher
Burn hotter
And together
Set the world ablaze

Addicted to a Certain Lifestyle

I’m the kind of girl
Used to living a certain way
Living in the lap of luxury
With everyone at my beck and call
Doing everything I want
So that I can live my happily ever after

I have worked hard
To become this girl
I have sweat, blood, and tears
To prove my accomplishments

All I ask
Is that for one small part of my life
I be spoiled beyond compare

I don’t ask for much
But I ask for the very best
And I expect the very best

Because all my life
I’ve been told
Never to settle
For anything but the best

But love destroys the heart
Rewrites our wants and desires
Makes us see a man not for who they are
But who we want to be

 

Broken Promises

Leave it on the bedroom porch
So that I may see you one last time
As I scale on up
Your castle walls

Leave it on the bedroom porch
Out in the cold
Down in the dumps
Just as you left my heart

You closed yourself off
Not just with me
Just with everyone
You’ve ever loved

Isolated yourself
Created your own world
Hidden behind the walls

You think in your own world
You can keep her safe
To make her feel special
Like she’s the only one

And she is
She always will be
But open up your doors
For a girl in a world as vast as ours
She is special because you chose her

In your world
She’s the only one
The only choice
A last resort

Open your doors
To your friends of old
Those you once shared laughter with
Who no longer acknowledge your presence
You are as good as dead to them
Because in a way you are

But there’s still a chance
Don’t cut me off
The way you have with them
You and I aren’t them
We’re something more

Though I’m no longer that only one
That special girl
In your special world
I still love you
And always will
You’re the one I’ll never forget
The one who got away
But two worlds apart

I can’t reach you in your isolation
I can’t touch you
Or feel your presence
I know you are there
But I cannot see you

I fear it is
You do not understand
What it is to be loved
And to return the love of maturity
That promises made
Friends or lovers
Were meant to be kept
Meant to be honoured

And while it may ring true
That so much tragedy and turmoil
Encases our lives
Encases our existence
It’s the choices we make
It’s the priorities we give
To break free from the chains and shackles
That hold us in our place

You are still a child
With so much to learn
You are still a child who cannot love a woman untamed
Wild and feral
Like the wolf
You are still a child
Who cannot understand
To give yourself selflessly
Until you learn the meaning of man
A woman will always be out of your grasp

Two words
A promise
So long ago
Best friend
Weighted

Words
Though arbitrary
Carry with them
Power and meaning
That you’ll never understand

They’ve given me a strength
I never thought I had
A power even I cannot master
So do not hope
Dear child
That you can force surrender
When you do not even understand
The power behind your promises
Behind the words you thought empty

Because, my dear
You’re playing with fire

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