Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Archive for June, 2018

Addicted to a Certain Lifestyle

I’m the kind of girl
Used to living a certain way
Living in the lap of luxury
With everyone at my beck and call
Doing everything I want
So that I can live my happily ever after

I have worked hard
To become this girl
I have sweat, blood, and tears
To prove my accomplishments

All I ask
Is that for one small part of my life
I be spoiled beyond compare

I don’t ask for much
But I ask for the very best
And I expect the very best

Because all my life
I’ve been told
Never to settle
For anything but the best

But love destroys the heart
Rewrites our wants and desires
Makes us see a man not for who they are
But who we want to be

 

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The Twins and the Scales

You and I come from two very different worlds.  Though both air signs, we see the world very differently. My world is based on emotion. All I see interpreted through my binary rose-coloured glass. Your world is based on reason, on justice, on principles of fairness.

I was never one for astrology. I always believed that it was a load of nonsense, but as I got to know you better, as I had the chance to explore who I was as a person, I realized that there are aspects of who we are that draws itself from astrology. Astrology is typically broad and in removing the identifying label on daily astrology readings, we could pretty much mix them around and no one would know any better. But the core of each of the signs holds a little truth.

I was born under the sign of Gemini, the twins. I’ve always been aware of my paradoxical nature. It’s true that that is the case for many, but for me, it always seemed more pronounced. I could go from being upbeat and positive to completely drained and pessimistic in a matter of minutes. I’ve constantly battled with the rational and creative sides of me, often the creative side won. I have nurtured this side of me, let it grow and control the majority of my life. This has helped me in a lot of ways, but those advantages are also my flaws. The biggest thing for me is my emotions.

Being give gifts of immeasureable value is meant to represent something more than materialism, but more often than not, it replaces the emotion it’s meant to symbolize.

To hold this ring or wear this necklace, simply serves to remind me of the better times with you, but instead I’m forced by society, by those around me to answer to the question of cost.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “Nowadays, people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.”

Not everybody can handle your kind of love
Not everyone is strong enough to stay by your side

You are different from everyone else
But so am I

Seemingly everywhere
My moods change on a whim
I feel emotions intensely
Extreme love
Obessession
Hate

Sometimes I’m called two faced
Because I can act
Act like I care
Act like we’re friends
But really all I want is to hurt you
To throw you into a pit of hungry lions
To burn you at the stake
To watch you die at my hand
But all you see is my smile
And hear my lies as truths

So how do you know if it’s love or hate
How do you know my heart truly feels?
To know me is to know my heart
Is it yours to possess?
Or will you drown in my eyes trying?

Broken Promises

Leave it on the bedroom porch
So that I may see you one last time
As I scale on up
Your castle walls

Leave it on the bedroom porch
Out in the cold
Down in the dumps
Just as you left my heart

You closed yourself off
Not just with me
Just with everyone
You’ve ever loved

Isolated yourself
Created your own world
Hidden behind the walls

You think in your own world
You can keep her safe
To make her feel special
Like she’s the only one

And she is
She always will be
But open up your doors
For a girl in a world as vast as ours
She is special because you chose her

In your world
She’s the only one
The only choice
A last resort

Open your doors
To your friends of old
Those you once shared laughter with
Who no longer acknowledge your presence
You are as good as dead to them
Because in a way you are

But there’s still a chance
Don’t cut me off
The way you have with them
You and I aren’t them
We’re something more

Though I’m no longer that only one
That special girl
In your special world
I still love you
And always will
You’re the one I’ll never forget
The one who got away
But two worlds apart

I can’t reach you in your isolation
I can’t touch you
Or feel your presence
I know you are there
But I cannot see you

I fear it is
You do not understand
What it is to be loved
And to return the love of maturity
That promises made
Friends or lovers
Were meant to be kept
Meant to be honoured

And while it may ring true
That so much tragedy and turmoil
Encases our lives
Encases our existence
It’s the choices we make
It’s the priorities we give
To break free from the chains and shackles
That hold us in our place

You are still a child
With so much to learn
You are still a child who cannot love a woman untamed
Wild and feral
Like the wolf
You are still a child
Who cannot understand
To give yourself selflessly
Until you learn the meaning of man
A woman will always be out of your grasp

Two words
A promise
So long ago
Best friend
Weighted

Words
Though arbitrary
Carry with them
Power and meaning
That you’ll never understand

They’ve given me a strength
I never thought I had
A power even I cannot master
So do not hope
Dear child
That you can force surrender
When you do not even understand
The power behind your promises
Behind the words you thought empty

Because, my dear
You’re playing with fire

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