Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘you say you aren’t mad but I can feel it in your words’

Not Worth the Time, Not Worth the Effort

It’s hard knowing
That I’m not worth the time
Not worth your efforts
Nor will I ever be
But I should know
I should know better
For I brought this pain upon myself

Yet the tears keep coming
And my heart keeps breaking
Over the same things
Over the same thoughts
These are the tears I should not have to shed
I should not have to cry myself to sleep
Each time I think of you

Loving you has give you the power
To inexplicably hurt me
“Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side”
I have lost in the ultimate sense

Life was better when love was unrequited
Gone are the days
Where comfort laid in writing
Gone are the times
I could watch the world fade away
Those who say that it is better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all
Clearly never met you before

I was destined for solitude
Love had always been platonic
I was in love with the idea of love
I was in love with the intellectual
It was all I knew
It is all I will ever know

You always kept pushing
Pushing me out of my comfort zone
Too hard
Too fast
You knew of my past
My upbringing
But still you pushed

A relationship isn’t about seeing how far you can push
Before I break
Or shatter

I can’t keep up
I can’t keep giving up more of who I am
Just to be loved
There’s nothing left of me
There’s no one I recognize inside anymore

I’ve lost myself in loving you
Though both of us knew
We knew well enough
It would never last
But we kept pushing
We kept hoping
Looking to search for something that wasn’t there
But now all I can wish for
Is a way to reset
To erase all this pain
To bring back our memories
Of the pleasant days past
What would it take
To forget the things that I’ve said
To forget the things that I’ve promised

Perhaps it’s easier to just give in
To give up my sense of who I am
To forget that I have morals
To engage in pleasures I could only ever dream of
But would I?
To lose myself

Too long have I played a role
I thought someone understood me when I found you
But now all I want is to curl up and die
I’ve already given up
There’s no one in this world
Who would miss me when I’m gone

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