Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘Stress’

Once Upon A Dream

“Babe, I’m heading out,” called Alcander.

“Have fun,” I returned, “Call me if you need a ride or anything, I’d rather you wake me up in the middle of the night than drive drunk.”

“Okay,” nodded Alcander, leaving my notes sprawled out on the dining room table to come say goodbye.

“Love you,” I smiled.

He gave me a quick peck on the cheek before jumping into his green Toyota Prius and speeding away.

I sighed, closing the door and returned to the dinner table to resume studying for the LSAT. The first time I had failed miserably and I wasn’t about to let that happen again. I settled down for the long night ahead.

Alcander and I met at my work place. At that time he was the representative of Polaris Enterprises, one of the publishing companies that my company had a contract with. I had seen him around and we knew of one another, we just never really talked or had the chance to work with one another. He was really shy and so was I, well sort of. I could be a bit rowdy when I was with my friends. When we were assigned to the same assignment, I discovered what a gentleman he really was. Gentlemen were a rare species in this day and age and as I lived for all things Victorian, I fell in love with him.

At that time due to our professional relationship I was hesitant to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Well that and he was fifteen years my senior. Neither of us had the courage at the time to ask each other out, but one thing that didn’t help was how oblivious he was to people crushing on him. I had dropped clues, inadvertently of course, but he was a thick as a brick and didn’t even notice that I liked him. I was certainly not the first girl who had fallen for him, but I also wasn’t the first girl he had fallen for. Like me, they were all missed opportunities, opportunities he would never get back. He had held back with every one of them, just like me. We were afraid of rejection and that fear prevented us from acting.

After we finished our assignment we kept in touch and went for the occasional treat, mostly frozen yogurt, but sometimes we’d grab a coffee if was early in the morning. And yogurt and coffee turned into lunches at cafes, dinners and movies and before I knew it, we had moved in together.

***

“Hey Alcander,” greeted Matt, one of his friends, “Glad you could make it. Did Grace make a fuss?”

Alcander laughed, “She never does, why?”

Matt shrugged, “Liz always does when I want to ‘spend time with the guys.’ I don’t know why, but it’s a huge deal to her. I’d trade her for Grace any day.”

Alcander smirked, but said nothing.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late, is David here yet?” asked Luca breathless.

“It’s my party…so yeah, I’m here,” said David unimpressed.

“Sorry, Lily hid my keys,” Luca apologized again.

“Sure she didn’t just eat them,” joked Matt.

Luca stared at him in horror, “That’s not funny! Lily could choke if she did that.”

“Dude, we’re joking,” said David, “God, if Emily started eating my keys…I’d have a heart attack.”

“Makes you feel kinda old doesn’t it?” Ryan said to Alcander.

Alcander nodded, “Everyone has kids now…”

“Yeah, ‘cept you and me,” nodded Ryan.

“Yeah,” agreed Alcander.

“You’re not missing out on anything,” reassured David dryly.

“So, speaking ‘bout families and stuff, Alcander, you’re the only ‘single’ one left. I mean after tonight or whatever, David’s no longer a bachelor. When you gonna pop the question?” asked Ryan.

The question caught Alcander off guard.

“Sorry? I—um I haven’t really thought about it,” answered Alcander.

“Dude, just ask her, it’s not hard,” pressured Luca, “I mean you just buy a nice ring, take her to a nice place for dinner and ask her.”

“It’s not as easy as you make it sound,” muttered Alcander.

“It really is,” assured David, “I’m pretty sure she wants to.”

Alcander made a face, “Can we talk about something else?”

***

Alcander came home close to four in the morning. I rolled over at the sound of him tiptoeing into the bedroom.

“Hi babe, sorry, did I wake you?” apologized Alcander in a whisper.

I shook my head and reached out for him, “Why were you out so late? Or well I guess now it’s like early right?”

Alcander came over and kissed me on the forehead, “I’m gonna wash up first. I’ll tell you about it later.”

I nodded and stuffed my face back into a pillow. It didn’t take long for Alcander to return.

“Don’t do that,” Alcander laughed softly, slipping into bed, “You’ll suffocate yourself.”

“No I won’t,” I returned, muffled by the pillow.

Alcander slid his hand around my waist and pulled me up against him, “We spent most of the night drinking and talking and playing poker.”

“No hookers?” I teased.

Alcander gave me a dirty look, “I wouldn’t have gone if there were.”

I looked at him affectionately and snuggled up against his chest, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” said Alcander worriedly.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, sensing the tension in his tone.

“Just…they guys were…well I’m the last single guy,” expressed Alcander rather brokenly.

“And?” I asked impatiently.

“Well, I’m feeling a bit you know stressed out and pressured that I should…propose soon,” said Alcander awkwardly.

“That’s it?” I asked blankly.

“That’s it? What do you mean by that’s it?! Do you have any idea how stressful that is for me?” asked Alcander incredulous.

“Do you even know what stress means? I have the freaking LSAT and my road test coming up!” I exclaimed.

“You’ll do fine on them. You’re smart, I know that you will do well,” reassured Alcander.

“That’s not the point,” I insisted.

“Relax, you’ll be okay. The road test really isn’t as hard as you think it’s gonna be,” said Alcander.

“What do you know about that?” I muttered, “You used to be a driving instructor.”

“Babe, I’ve seen you drive, you’re not that bad!” insisted Alcander.

“Ok…I’ll give you that, but the LSAT! You’ve never done that so don’t tell me that isn’t stressful!” I said on the verge of exploding.

“I’m not gonna say that isn’t stressful, but can you understand where I’m coming from?” pleaded Alcander.

I sighed, “You know what. I don’t even care if you propose now or five years down the road. We’ve already been together for five years. Nothing’s gonna change. We’re already living together, nothing’s gonna change.”

“Really?” asked Alcander biting his lip cutely.

“Yes really,” I smiled, kissing his chin.

Alcander smiled, “Thanks babe. Look, if you need to vent about the LSAT, let me know. If you need a study buddy, just ask.”

I smiled again and fell asleep in his arms.

Prompt: Be inspired by a dream or nightmare

Stress, I’m beginning to feel it, are you?

As the last semester of my final year draws to a close, tensions are running high for me. I can hardly remember where these four years have gone, but here I am in the last few weeks struggling to focus on my remaining assignments. It’s not that they are boring, no, in fact, quite the contrary. The story of King Edward II is great, there is so much to explore in his death, but I can’t bring myself to read the necessary articles to actually get on writing the paper. Even now, I’m debating about whether I should be writing about Edward, homosexuality/homophobia, and torture because I’m beginning to feel that I would much rather write about Isabella. I haven’t the slightest clue what I’d write about Isabella, but maybe about the role of women in law or women and the institution of marriage. Both are interesting concepts to consider in Christopher Marlowe’s Edward II, but that would mean that I have to look up my sources all over again and that would be such a bother…well okay no, the prof has listed a couple sources I could go to in regards to women and the legal scene during early modern times, but I’m not sure if those are specific to The Merry Wives of Windsor, the play that originally asked us to explore the role of Mistress Ford and Mistress Page in the context of women under the law at the time. Thank goodness I have some extension days left and a couple cancelled classes to deal with all this crap!

I’m also taking a non-major English class on detective fiction which has me wanting to marry a police officer, don’t ask, just over-exposure’s done that to me. This class is really weird and goes against all my training as an English major. I mean, come on, multiple choice tests asking which drink the detective had in like chapter two of the book?! Who does that?! This prof apparently. And then there’s the issue of a book review. I’ve never written one and am terrified that perhaps I’ve revealed too much or maybe I sound too boring. There’s just no winning, so I’m glad he suggested that we have a class in which we bring our pieces to class and have our peers edit it. But again, consider that this is a non-major class, so I’m not expecting a whole lot from my peers. However, I do have a friend in English who’s in that class who is reliable in editing my work. I hope I will get some valuable feedback out of this session, otherwise this class has been a complete waste of time. And I’ve never met a class that’s so repetitive in their questions. Does a five paragraph essay sound reasonable for something that is 750 words? Obviously not. Same goes for if it was a 50 000 word essay. WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS ARE THESE?! *Sigh* Maybe I’m just being to high strung and anal, but whatever, venting helps.

And don’t even get me started on psychology, which was supposed to be my GPA booster option class. GAWD! The amount of effort I put into that class to get the crappy marks I’ve been getting makes me think I should have taken something else like a postcolonial literature class or even another law and society course instead of this or even philosophy now that I think about it. Nothing is easier than one of those classes. I mean, last semester my philosophy prof thought I was an absolute genius, even though I was writing up my papers the night before, something that you absolutely CANNOT do in English. It’s like English teachers have special essay vision and they know when you’ve written it and how much effort you put into because your mark is usually a very good reflection of that.

Then there is Art History. Like what the heck?! You couldn’t let me take Chinese Art History. Nope, gotta be Japanese. And then you give me a partially racist teacher, who does make the occasional funny joke, but otherwise rather rude, but paradoxically, is very nice in one to one meetings, very respectful of difference…so…I don’t know. This course, though she says isn’t about memorization, is all about memorization. Even when I met with the prof, she said remember the key images that we’ve done in this course. That means memorize the key images and their information in my brain, is this wrong? That’s honestly what happened in the last “quiz” which was actually not really a quiz because it was worth 25% the same as my midterm (crazy I know!). I memorized everything, but still managed to mess up. I remember after I handed in the test (of course, that’s how it always works out) that the period for the first question was Muromachi not Momoyama and that there was a year for the painting called Catching a Catfish with a Gourd (1413), but I put a period instead. With all that considered, I should get a pretty good mark. At least significantly better than what I got on the midterm.

Convocation isn’t that far away and I am stressed that I won’t know how to properly walk the stage, accept my degree, pin my robe, have my hat fall off and a whole list of horrible scenarios that could potentially happen. I hope that I can just watch my classmates and see what they do, following their lead. It is highly unlikely that I will be the first person called up, at least I hope that there will be a few people before me (I am the sixth letter of the alphabet…so…). I’m the kind of person who needs the information a few days ahead of time to process and practice in my head a couple times. I can’t do this the morning of. People ask me if I’m excited. To be honest, I’m terrified. Terrified of facing the real world. Terrified of getting another rejection letter from law school. There’s just so much to be scared about, but I keep telling myself just to take it one day at a time, just be calm and each day with take care of itself. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither am I. I can’t become a lawyer overnight, but with practice and time, I will fulfill that dream.

Which leads me to another point: driving school. I honest to God don’t give a sh*t about driving! I don’t understand what the big deal is?! It’s my life, my choice whether or not I decide to drive. Yes, I understand that in emergency situations it’s necessary that I know how to drive, but right now I’m a student who has no money and doesn’t want waste the money I don’t have learning how to drive, taking a test to drive when I don’t even want to, register a car I won’t use, pay for overpriced gas, park in an atrociously expensive parking lot while I’m going to school. I’m sorry, what part of this sounds exciting? Sure I’ll have more freedom, but at what price? My sanity? Possibly, but probably not that extreme. I have many pet peeves and one of them is people ridiculing or scolding me because I don’t have a drivers’ licence. Have you ever heard of minding your own business and keeping your damn opinions to yourself. While I’m on pet peeves, something else that annoys me is the question: “Are you Chinese?” followed by “Why can’t/don’t you speak Chinese?” Firstly, yes I am Chinese. Being Chinese is not a prerequisite for speaking Chinese, plus how many hundred dialects are there? If I said yes and started speaking my minority dialect with you, you wouldn’t understand a word I was saying. So, yes, I can speak Chinese, not fluently and not in a dialect you’d understand, so don’t ask if I’m Chinese. Secondly, mind your own business. If I choose not to speak Chinese, it doesn’t mean that I can’t do it. I have the choice not to. I can just as easily tell you to learn English. This is Canada, not China, so learn to speak the [swear word] language. If I move to Italy or France or Spain, I have to learn Italian, French or Spanish. It can’t be an ignorant twat and refuse to learn it because it’s “too hard.” I know this sounds harsh because there are people who really aren’t capable of learning English for academic or other reasons and I don’t blame those people. It’s the people who have the opportunity and time to further educate themselves that refuse to do so that annoy me. Like today, a Polish client came into my work place and was outraged that the signs were not in English and French, our official languages and that instead, Chinese was printed on them. He proceeded to yell in Polish and Spanish to get his point across stating, if Chinese was being printed on the sign, why weren’t the other languages? I would have to agree with him there. If English AND French are our official languages, we should make an effort to learn them. I find it utterly ridiculous that documents sent up to the Alberta government written in French has to be translated prior to submission. I mean, come on, French is our official language. I don’t care that you can’t all read French, but someone should be able to up there and they should be allowing those documents. We are being as exclusionary as Quebec can be at times…its not always fair. Life isn’t fair. Neither are my stress levels at this point. Oh well, at least I got to rant and get some of this stuff off my chest.

Tag Cloud