Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘so stressed out’

Goodbye at Last

He left her there
Crying in the hotel room
To party with his pals

He left her crying
To go drinking
Because he couldn’t deal with her

Even in his embrace
In his kiss goodbye
He didn’t care how hurt and broken her heart had become
He had no love
No affection
No emotion
Left for her

She was a burden
But he had poured in so much time
So much money
That to leave
Was much worse than putting up with her

She lay there while he
Gambled away their future
Drank away their dreams
Becoming more and more hollow
Cold
And distant

When his head cleared
When he realized her words had merit
That behind her tears and vulnerability
Was true love
He didn’t rush up to meet her
He didn’t call or text her

Instead he let her think
He let her wallow in sorrow and self-pity
He let her worry about her insecurities
What was she to him?
Who was she?
Did it matter if she lived or died?

She knew now
That the world would be a better place
That he would be a better man
Without her

No one would miss her
She was sure
She could be replaced

After all
She was just a vessel
To carry a child
What did it matter?
It could be anyone

It had just been fate
Convenience
That threw them together

She loved him
She knew that much
But he didn’t love her
For who could love a nobody
An insecure, bat-shit crazy girl like her?

_______________________

He returned to their room
After drinks and sex
Why couldn’t she be like those easy girls?
Why couldn’t she just give in to his desires?

He glanced at her sleeping form
Shrugging and disappearing into the bathroom

He felt good
And why wouldn’t he?
He hummed to himself
Cleaning up before climbing into bed next to her

But something felt wrong
Something felt strange

He flicked on the lights to find nothing but a bundle of clothes
His heart filled with dread as he called out for her
She didn’t respond
She couldn’t
Not anymore

He found her lying in the bathtub
Still as could be
Pale as the moonlight
Her breath shallow
She lay there drowning in her own blood
Barely aware of his presence

Still
She knew he was there
She knew she had finally proven her courage to do what she had just done
She smiled
One last time
One last breath

You Call It Love

Maybe you were brought up different than I
Maybe traditions and cultures taught you otherwise
But maybe, just maybe that’s not how I am

Life for me is not about pushes and pulls
Life is not about how long I can persist without praise
If I’ve done good
I’d want to know

All my life
I’ve had to earn my place
To earn your affection
And to do right by you

But have you ever thought
That maybe one day
I’d like to live a life that’s my own?

You thought you were doing good
By telling me what you thought was right
But what’s right for you
Is not for me

I am my own person
With my own personality
I have my own dreams
That aren’t yours

So please
I ask
That you stop manipulating me
That you stop and listen for once
And to see my side of life
Because not everything is my fault
And I can be right too

You can remain calm
I’m sure you’re capable of such a simple task
As you would tell me
But instead you get upset
You scream and you yell
And tell me to shut up
Because I’m useless and stupid
And have no idea what I’m talking about because I’m too young to know such things
And that I have no experience like you do
And afterwards?
When your heart starts to hurt
Who’s fault is it but mine?

You never had to get upset
It’s your own fucking fault
So why can’t you just own up
And admit you’re wrong
Just like you’ve told me to do time and time again

Children have always learned by example
Your actions will always speak louder than your words
So
Why don’t you quit lying to me
And get your own shit together
Before you have the audacity
To tell me what to do

You’ve worn me down
Both of you
Over the years
And I honestly question
My will to live on

You may say that’s the coward’s way out
But I’ve always thought that it takes a lot of courage
To finally accept
That you can’t try any harder
That you’ve done your very best,
Which will never be enough

I doubt you’d even cry
If today I died
All you’d have to say
Is how stupid I was to throw away such a great life
That I didn’t know real hardship

Well let me say
It hasn’t been easy
And it won’t get easier

It’s high time I take back what is mine
And live it the way I dreamt it would be
Even if it means I cut you out of my life

 

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