Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘Patron of my Heart’

Not That Kind of Girl

He was not the kind of boy to bring home to mama and papa
He was the one that was fun to talk to
Late nights up talking
Early mornings texting
Mid afternoon messages

The flirting was fun while it lasted
But never in my heart did I feel true love
I never saw him as the father of my children
When I closed my eyes
It wasn’t his face I saw
Even his name
Didn’t taste right on my lips
There was always another in his place
Someone I could never be with
The Patron of my Heart
Could never be replaced

 

The Things I know Now

You sit high atop the heavens
Gazing down on the plebeians
Despite all your worldly advantages
You are afraid
Like every man
You fear rejection
Behind your perfect veneer
Is insecurity
Yet you choose to restrict yourself
To a certain niche
You could have any girl you wanted
But you choose to wait
Hiding
Afraid
Like me

I too fear that I cannot be perfect
Only oh so recently
Only in learning to love myself
I have learned of my own beauty and strength
But even so
My beauty cannot penetrate the standards you demand
I remember once upon a time
When my standards were as high as yours
They still are
You were the closest
They say chivalry is dead
But here you stand
A patron of my heart
But tragically I would not change myself
For your love
I don’t believe in insincerity
Things done out of love are admirable
But pretending to be someone you’re not
Is deplorable
I will live as myself
And the world will love me or hate me
And I shall not care
Love will find me
When you find your courage
And I find mine

Letter to my Love

To the dearest Patron of my Heart,

Ever since I met you, life feels so much more…I don’t know how to describe it, but perhaps brighter would be an appropriate descriptor. Even on the cloudy days, there was a reason for me to smile. Each morning I woke, inspired by confidence to step out and be myself and for once to believe I was beautiful. Though I was still shy and still am to express how I feel directly to your face, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. You have brought to my life a joy I’ve never felt. I have felt more alive in this last month than I’ve felt in the last ten years. Ten years ago I fell in love with someone who did not return my feelings, but I still had feelings for him…for six years. He scared me into keeping my feelings to myself though I never really keep my feelings to myself. You can see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice, feel it from my soul and smell it from my heart. From everything I say and do, you know that I love you, but I just don’t know if you’ve picked up on it at all.

I keep making excuses, but they do have some truth. As much as I want to contact you, to be your friend, my propriety stops me. I know my boundaries and I’ll stay where I’m safe. I’ll admire you from afar and let the thought of you fuel me. When we first met, you already captured my heart. I doubted it, but a few more hours and I knew for sure. It used to be that I was only happy when you spoke to me, but as time went on, all it took was your car passing by. Now, however, it’s simpler than that. My imagination is not yet gone and it still reigns supreme. I’m glad you no longer cause me panic attacks in the middle of the night, causing me to wake with a start. You have become the comfort before I drift off each night and the reason for me to get up each day.

It’s only been a week since I saw you last and my hormones have calmed down. But this doesn’t mean I don’t still love you, only that there’s nothing new that can set my heart into overdrive again. I mean for us to meet again and wish someone else could slip the hint to you about how much I adore you. And if for once my love was reciprocated, I could be happy.

Though I barely know you, I can imagine the rest of forever with you. Not just till death due us part, but for much much longer than that.

Just remember everything I do is intentional. Every colour is symbolic. You hold the key to my heart. All the things I do, I do for you. You are my everything and that is dangerous.

Love and writing best brings out my paradoxical nature. We are all actors in this world and I’m just playing a part. I hope one day you will be the one who will lift that veil and see me for who I truly am. On that day, it will be the happiest day of our lives.

Sincerely your ever loving

Sonneteer 

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