To the dearest Patron of my Heart,
Ever since I met you, life feels so much more…I don’t know how to describe it, but perhaps brighter would be an appropriate descriptor. Even on the cloudy days, there was a reason for me to smile. Each morning I woke, inspired by confidence to step out and be myself and for once to believe I was beautiful. Though I was still shy and still am to express how I feel directly to your face, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. You have brought to my life a joy I’ve never felt. I have felt more alive in this last month than I’ve felt in the last ten years. Ten years ago I fell in love with someone who did not return my feelings, but I still had feelings for him…for six years. He scared me into keeping my feelings to myself though I never really keep my feelings to myself. You can see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice, feel it from my soul and smell it from my heart. From everything I say and do, you know that I love you, but I just don’t know if you’ve picked up on it at all.
I keep making excuses, but they do have some truth. As much as I want to contact you, to be your friend, my propriety stops me. I know my boundaries and I’ll stay where I’m safe. I’ll admire you from afar and let the thought of you fuel me. When we first met, you already captured my heart. I doubted it, but a few more hours and I knew for sure. It used to be that I was only happy when you spoke to me, but as time went on, all it took was your car passing by. Now, however, it’s simpler than that. My imagination is not yet gone and it still reigns supreme. I’m glad you no longer cause me panic attacks in the middle of the night, causing me to wake with a start. You have become the comfort before I drift off each night and the reason for me to get up each day.
It’s only been a week since I saw you last and my hormones have calmed down. But this doesn’t mean I don’t still love you, only that there’s nothing new that can set my heart into overdrive again. I mean for us to meet again and wish someone else could slip the hint to you about how much I adore you. And if for once my love was reciprocated, I could be happy.
Though I barely know you, I can imagine the rest of forever with you. Not just till death due us part, but for much much longer than that.
Just remember everything I do is intentional. Every colour is symbolic. You hold the key to my heart. All the things I do, I do for you. You are my everything and that is dangerous.
Love and writing best brings out my paradoxical nature. We are all actors in this world and I’m just playing a part. I hope one day you will be the one who will lift that veil and see me for who I truly am. On that day, it will be the happiest day of our lives.
Sincerely your ever loving