Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘new year resolutions’

Excuses for Resolutions

New Year
New me
Who will I be this year?
What will I do?
Say?

Cutting you down
That’s all I’ve ever known
We all make up lies
Procrastinate about the things we will do
Another time
Another year

Will this year be different?
How could it?

When I look at you
All I see are excuses
Each time you open your mouth
All I hear are lies

Why don’t you
Why can’t you
Admit it when you’re wrong?

Useless
Good for nothing
Piece of shit

Day in
And day out
A relentless assault
Words that shouldn’t hurt
From people who have promised to protect you
From those who call themselves your loved ones
Your confidents
Your best friends
Your parents
A trusted one

Slowly like water
Drip
Drip
Drop

Sinking in
Wearing you away
Until you can’t resist
Until you believe
Until physical pain manifests
And every thought is torture

Over and over
It’s your fault
Always
Nothing is ever right with you

I want to scream at you
What’s the matter?
Why are you so broken all the time?

Attention whore

These words
These “mantras”
Like a song on repeat
A depressing track

“Why?” you ask yourself

Little by little
Your self-worth slips away
Little by little
You recede into yourself
Pull away from your “loved ones”

Chipping away
Cracks appearing in your perfect facade

Somehow, you always knew
What a poor excuse for a human being?
A complete waste of space
Of air
Meaningless
A drop of water in an endless sea
Inconsequential

You tried so hard to push those thoughts away
But deep down
You knew
You aren’t special
It’s the lie you’ve always been told
Special…just another word for someone who couldn’t fit in
Someone who just wasn’t good enough
A label for a fuck up like you

No one will miss you when you’re gone

Will they?

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New Year Resolutions

It’s that time again and no one wants to hear it, but I’m gonna say it anyways. It’s time for those new year resolutions that people never follow through on. All that crap about new year, new me? Well, it’s happening. I’ve never actually had any new years resolutions, I just do things when I felt like it. Just made a goal, set a deadline, and hoped for the best. For the most part, my goals were pretty short term, a couple months maybe and accomplished! So this year I’m gonna try to do a new year’s resolution, something that I will have to work at every day for one full year. After that year, it’s my intention to maintain the results.

What is my resolution you may ask? Well, take a guess. What is almost everyone’s resolution at this time of year? If you guessed: to lose weight, you’d be right. For the last few years I’ve been steadily gaining weight and I’m really not happy about it. Not just for aesthetic reasons (because yeah, I don’t like my fat, squishy stomach), but also for health. I’d like to get back to the level of physical activity I did when I used to be in junior high. I miss playing badminton, going swimming, and even for a short run. I plan on getting back into all of those things. Obviously, it’s easier to go for a run or go swimming than it is to go play badminton because I have no idea where I can find a court and friends to play with consistently. The only place I can think of to rent time on a court is Cardel Place and eventually that is going to get expensive and I’m going to be broke. Which leads me to my next resolution. Saving money. This year I’ve spent a lot of money (like half of my income lots) and it’s primarily been on food. If I watch what I eat (aka don’t eat out as much) I can save money, but also, it will be much better for my health since it’s a bit harder to control what gets added into your food when you go out to eat as opposed to making it yourself.

My final goal is to get to bed earlier. My brain works at weird times and since I took two months off to study, I’ve been able to sleep in and stay up late. I’ve always been a morning person, but I’d like to say I’m kind of a night person too. However, my brain functions differently at those two times of the day. My brain is best for logical/critical thinking in the early hours of the morning so any time from 6am-11am, while at night, from around 8pm-3am, it’s better for socialization and creative compositions (my best ideas for writing come to me at these times). It also works out that I hate talking to people in the morning and I am super pissy, so if you try to talk to me at this time I will probably bite your head of. The fact that I hate people at this time of day allows me to sit down and focus on the task at hand, getting things done a lot faster than I usually would. But what about from noon to seven? I am useless between this time, a┬ácomplete and utter blob; in other words, useless. I usually occupy myself playing games at this time or just lounge around in bed for a few hours talking to myself.

I am really excited about improving my health and lower my weight as I am now considered overweight. I recently lost ten pounds, but regained them while I was studying since I stress eat. I am frustrated at myself for that, but I am confident that I will be able to lose 30 in the course of this year and keep them off. When I lost that weight, I gained a lot of confidence in myself. Not only did I look good, but I felt a lot better because I was groggy all the time (not sure why though). The compliments on my appearance really did help boost the little self-esteem I had and though I’m afraid I’ll become over-confident, I just need to be conscious of what I do and say, that’s all. I’ve already started my own fitness journal and for those who know me, they know that I have a very obsessive personality. When I get an idea in my head, I go way overboard and totally get into it. It is really intense and I hope that I can maintain this enthusiasm for the whole year. Maybe the progress and little rewards along the way will help me keep this goal.

I’m curious to hear if any of my followers have any resolutions of their own this year. If you’d like, feel free to share them with me in the comments. ­čśÇ

Happy New Year Everyone!

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