Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘loneliness’

Twisted Love

There are so many ways to say I love you
Be careful
Buckle up
You just have to listen

But that’s not how I grew up
That’s not how I learned of love
I learned of love through pain and bruises
I learned of love through breaking to pieces
And had to learn to put myself back together each day just to face the world again
I learned that no one could love me
Not with all my scars
Nor did they dare to traverse my emotional minefield
I learned to love myself
To be alone
to never depend on anyone else for my happiness

I learned too early
What it was not to trust
For no one wants a shattered soul

We all want what’s best for us
But there comes a time
To not be selfish
And that is when we grow
From girl to woman
From boy to man

And until that is learned
We live in a society of children

Move along

What keeps me awake late at night
When the world is still
And walks in whispers?

What keeps me awake in the night
Is you circling round
And round in my mind

You toy with my heart
Like its some sort of twisted game

I’m sick of this
Of loving you
Of pretending
That I’m nothing but an option
And liking it

How can you pretend that nothing happened?
Am I nothing more than a worthless conquest?
Someone who can be cast aside?
Replaced?

You’ve long moved on
But I still sit here
Pouring out my heart
To a page
To an audience
Who feeds on my misery
With pleasure
For the songs my soul writes
From the pain you cause
There is beauty in sorrow

One Thing Leads to Another

When we first met
On a mid-autumn’s eve
I knew you had my heart
From the first
Hello
To the last goodbye
Your charm swept from my mind
All doubt of finding love
Truly
You are a gentleman
And worthy to be called as such
Chivalry is dead
But not in you
You are my knight in shining armour
And my heart protests to let you go
Each moment I spend away from you
Is another moment I spend
In eternal misery
I can’t live without you
If only you knew
That dinner leads to dinner
Love
Sex
And marriage
If only you knew my heart
You would know
Loneliness is temporary when you are here

But let’s not get carried away
I want a man who wants me
In every sense of that word
To love me
And let me live
And dream
And be all that I can be

A knight must know his limitations
A knight must allow his lady freedom
Without those things
He is a tyrant
And if that is you
Let me alone
For solitude
Is better than a gilded cage

Last Night

Something happened last night
Something I cannot recollect
Something changed between us
Something I don’t know

I’ve never felt closer
I’ve always kept away
I’ve always been afraid
Of something I don’t know

Always said I wasn’t that kind of girl
Always was too strong
Always dreaming of companionship
Now I don’t know

Is it loneliness that draws me to you?
Our conversations are like no other
They give me so much pleasure
Even when they’re hurting me

Every waking hour
I spend thinking of you
Every sleeping hour
I spend dreaming of you

I can’t keep living like this
I can’t keep dreaming
Of a future in my head
A future I’ll never have

I said I wouldn’t be that kind of girl
Now even that I don’t know
Even when I met her
I knew I could do it

You said you could make me see
You said you hated your ability to persuade
To manipulate
As you’ve done so to me
But what you saw was already there
A spark you blew into a flame

I’m not that kind of girl
But I write enough about it
That one day I may as well
Become what I write

I don’t mind
Not anymore
To give you all I have

This loneliness I cannot stand
Our friendship means so much more
Than the superficial “friend”

Meeting You Again

So much has changed
So much has passed
Since I saw you last
Our conversations never capture
The feelings we shared
I always thought
Who I was
Would always be
Incompatible
With you you were
But a day can change so much
Is it love or loneliness?
Am I like you
Afraid to let go?
Afraid to be alone again?
Afraid of being hurt?
Even if she has more shoes than brain cells
She’s better than emptiness
Better than solitude
Again

I’ve always believed in myself
Always trusted to be alone
But today you’ve made lose who I am
Questioned all I believed
So I ask again
Are we incompatible
Or are we just lonely?

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