Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘letter to myself’

Dear Allie

Dear Allie:

From the first time I met you, I knew I was in love with you.  Your laugh was infectious and your presence was mesmerizing.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.  But you didn’t know how I felt and I was so afraid to tell you.  After all, a girl like you had to have already been taken.  You are not only beautiful, but incredibly talented.  I’ve never met anyone as ambitious as you.

You’re so young, yet, you’re going through post secondary again; as though a degree wasn’t enough, you decided to pursue a diploma.  I know you dream of pursuing more academic endeavours and that is certainly your calling.  I just hope that I can keep up with you.  It frustrated me that everything comes to you so easily.  You multitask like no one I’ve ever seen (who spends more than half their class on Facebook and still manages to get down all the notes and understand everything without having to do the readings?)  But it’s clear that you have a gift and I admire that.  I spend countless hours working so hard and I can barely measure up to you.  Maybe there’s something I’m not seeing.  Maybe the times I don’t see you are the times you work the hardest to appear effortless.  When you set your heart to something, you accomplish it.  It’s rare to see you fail in anything, so much so that I want to call you perfect.  I know that there is no such thing as perfection, but if there was, you would be it.

The other day I caught a glimpse of you sitting alone.  You were crying, and I couldn’t understand why.  Who or what could have made you so upset?  I watched you watch the time.  As it neared the start of class you cleaned yourself up, plastered a smile on your face, and went on as you always do.  You helped others who were struggling and kept that smile on your face.  You laughed along as if nothing had happened, as if a part of you hadn’t just been shattered and was being held together by mere strands of thread.  The world sees you for your strength.  And when you think you’re alone, that’s the only time you allow your composure to slip.  I don’t know how you do it.  How you get up everyday even when you feel so broken and go out and face the world with a smile.  I know that if I had the chance, I would spend every moment of my life making sure that you never had to go through that pain alone.  To know that I am here for you no matter what happens.

I’ve heard whispers that you tend to be a little on the psychotic side.  Obviously, no one can tell by judging a book by its cover.  If you can hide your crazy as well as you hide your tears and your pain, then there’s no way I could possibly know what’s in store for me.  But it doesn’t matter.  We all have our quirks and there are things that make all of us crazy.  They are different for everyone, but everyone has their breaking point.  For you it’s control.  You can’t stand it when you can’t control the outcome.  I’ve seen how it stresses you out when you can’t make the plans you want, when something doesn’t go exactly your way, when the pieces of the puzzle refuse to fall into place.  I see the struggle on your face as you try not to let your composure slip, to make sure the world doesn’t know you as less than perfect.

But I don’t need you to be perfect.  I just need someone who is willing to put in the effort I am.  To promise to be by my side when the going gets tough.  I don’t want someone who would just quit and run away like a little child would because they don’t know how to handle a problem.  I want a mature woman who can hold her own.  You’re stronger than you think.  You may tear up when you get upset, your voice may shake, but when you put pen to paper, nothing can stop you.  While pen and paper can’t be the way you handle every problem, you can use it as a tool to clarify your thoughts.  You aren’t crazy, but if you want to think of it that way then I will handle your crazy, but only if you can handle mine.

And I will spend everyday of my life proving to you that you are worth all the trouble you think you seem to be worth.  The truth is, you deserve the world and if I could give it to you, I would.  You are worth much more than you give yourself credit for, if only you could see that for yourself.  Some days I can see that you need that little bit of reassurance.  It’s normal and I’d be more than happy to stand by your side and support you as you became something great in life.  I know that your childhood shaped you into the woman you are today, but don’t let it ruin what a great person you are.  Yes, it was painful, but you learned to survive it.  Your insecurity doesn’t have to be a weakness.  You just have to realize that it doesn’t define you.  Think about everything you’ve accomplished and everything you set out to accomplish.  You’ve done so damn much that you ought to be proud of yourself instead of thinking that there was something more you could have done.  Could you have done more?  Of course.  There’s always more that can be done, but you don’t have to be the one to do it all.  Learn to let go.  To delegate.  To trust.

It will be hard in the beginning, but with time it will come naturally to you, just like everything does.  Your hard work will be rewarded.

A girl like you.  She deserves to be spoiled.  She deserves every luxury money can afford.  And I hope that one day you will be able to find that.  Don’t ever lower your standards.  Don’t ever try to fit yourself into a mould.  You were born to stand out.  You were born to be great.  Do not change yourself to be what you think he/she would want.  Do not remove jewels from your crown in an effort to make it a smaller, lighter crown. You need someone who can handle you as you are, for you are a queen and you are destined to marry an equal.

Love is a partnership.  It is a give and take; it is about compromise.  Every decision you make isn’t just about you.  Every decision is a decision that will affect both parties of the partnership.  No, compromise isn’t necessarily a 50/50 split.  Being with someone isn’t about keeping the loneliness at bay.  Choose someone because of what you see in them.  For what they could become because of you and what you could become because of him/her.

No matter how old we are, we always have something to learn from someone else.  You are not perfect.  You don’t know everything.  But you’re good enough for me because in you I see myself and I believe we can learn and grow together…if you let me show you who you were meant to be.

Yours ever loving,


Lessons Past

Do not fear little one to let your intelligence show
There is nothing more to say about the deadly combo
Of brains and beauty
Charm them with your beauty
Overwhelm them with your wit
There is nothing more satisfying than to look back and see your own splendor
Years from now
That will be the talk of the town
Just smile my darling
And learn to act
Play the part of the charming child
Naive in appearance
But modestly intelligent
Act as though it does not matter
Pretend that you do not care for their praise
We are all actors in this superficial world
Learn to let things go
Don’t let the acid burn too long
And always remember
To be true to your heart
your dreams
and your loved ones
Never let go of your imagination

Prompt: create a gift to your elementary aged self

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