Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘I’m so confused’

Confused Love

What do you do when he comes into your life again?
What do you do when some you thought you love leaves your life?
Doesn’t show up again for almost 9 months?
Cuts off all forms of communication
Not a single word
No texts
No calls
No answers to sooth your aching heart?

It’s as though you meant nothing to him
As if those moments coiled in his arms
Didn’t exist
Then out of the blue
He says he wants to see you again
And you don’t know if you can love a man like him anymore

For 9 months I tried to erase you from my memories
For 9 months I tried resetting my feelings for you
You broke me into a thousand shards
Irreparably shattered
So that I could not think of anything
Without thinking first of you
Because of you
I don’t know what real love is like
I only know how to feel when I’m being manipulated
Because of you
I’m afraid
Living with an anxiety that no one should have to face

I thought I was over that
I thought I was finished with you
Why did you come back?
I don’t want this
Not anymore


Self Torture

It’s easy to tell your mind
Stop thinking these thoughts
It’s easy to reason with logic
And dismiss them as irrational

But the disconnect
Between heart and mind
Has caused me more troubles
Than it’s worth

I think and overthink
Until I don’t even know what the truth is anymore
I want to be loved
As I am loving you

I can’t blame you  for my insecurities and lapses
I only have myself to hold for that
But can you even love me
When you’ve seen how damaged I am inside
Will you abandon me
As so many others have before?

Why is it so hard for me to just tell you I love you?
Because maybe I’m afraid
Afraid that I’ll be hurt again
Afraid that you’ll laugh at me
Just like the others did

Maybe I should stop torturing myself
With these senseless mind games
And ask you how you feel

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