Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘frustrated’

Not so Little Anymore

I’m not your little girl anymore
I don’t need your protection
You have a strange way of loving me
You always told me I was wrong

When the times came for the “talk”
You told me I was too young
When the time came to get a job and earn a living
You thought I should have already known
But how could I have known
When you never taught me a thing

I will never know what it’s like
Living beyond the cover of a book
And for that I’m useless

If you had told me
Taught me
Like a parent should have
I would not be left
Hungering for the taste of coffee and cigarettes
On the lips of strangers

I would not be bewildered by affection
To have self-esteem
To believe that I too can be beautiful
I would not be left to find out
Through caresses in the night
How love should be

I look back and know
You were never my father
Only a stranger
Who shared my home
And wrecked my heart

When I say goodbye

Sometimes I get so discouraged
And I wonder if there is something wrong with me.
Sometimes I give into the pressures of society, parents, friends and family
Because I’m too weak to keep fighting them

Sometimes I get into the car and I think
I’ll never be able to control this
This urge to destroy
This urge not to revert to my natural tension

It’s harder than a word
A thought
Or a sound


Some mornings I wake up alert
Only to find myself fatigued so much so
That I can hardly function

I find my patience wearing thin
The laughter that once laced my words
Replaced with bitter tears
Feelings known only by someone
who has never known the world
And only my heart

Someone who has never left my head
And filled my heart
With wonder and affection

Now I find solace in what never was
Now I find comfort in my dreams
Reality has no place for the likes of me
Theory has always been the place for me
But yet I have never belonged

Neither here
Nor there

I am no philosopher
No academic by the stretch of the imagination
I am an artist
But yet
I am not

My art is mediocre at best
My voice too imperfect
The poetry and stories
Filled with aspirations unrealized

I am to be impartial
Yet I fear to be judged

How can I rule fairly
When I worry about thoughts
And Sounds

How can I be anything great
If I keep on worrying

I feel the pressure to be useful
Even in death
My body will not be my own
But to help those in need

I don’t wish to be remembered
But it’s worse to be forgotten

What legacy will I leave behind?
What have I already done?

What will this world remember when I have gone?
Will materialism consume it all?
And breakdown the world in my heart?

If I have learned anything it is this:
We have created a society where only one can thrive
If you cannot fit into this box
Do not try

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