Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘first year university’

Ice Cold Flames

It was so cold.  It never used to be this way.  Whoever said Hell was fiery…they were wrong, I know because I’ve been there.  I live here!

I can’t remember exactly what it was like before, but I know it wasn’t like this!  There is ice all around me, frozen, like my heart.  I’m numb, but I still feel the pain of his absence.

I’ve been like this since he had left.  Hell has been like this since.

Before, when I was alive, my life was a blur.  All I remember of it was my parents’ shame, the demon’s visit every evening with an overly good-looking boy.  This boy had a name–Alexander and he was the son of the devil.

The next thing I remember was my wedding.  I was only sixteen.  He looked eighteen, but he could have been over a hundred years old.  I was the payment for the debt my parents owed.  They had wanted a son so badly, so the devil gave them a son.  In return, he wanted me…to ease his son’s insatiable loneliness.

Marriage was what I wanted.  I loved him.  And he loved me.  We were happy.  For once in my life, I felt that I was free and able to do what I wanted, be who I wanted to be and somebody loved me for who I was.

It was the happiest years of my life, full of warmth and love. Our first child was a boy.  But as they say, happiness is temporary.  It was a dark and fiery evening when they came for him, the angels.  They wouldn’t explain anything to me.  They just took Alexander away.

I can still hear his voice, “Moira, Moira, don’t worry baby, I won’t be long.  Wait for me, I’ll be back.”

He never came back.  I’ve been waiting…just patiently waiting…for…for…so long…

How many years have passed?

I’m so lost.

So alone.

When he left, all of hell mourned for his absence.  A hush fell over the land and a pain consumed us all.  His father filled his heart with as much anger and determination as possible to fight the angels to get his son back…his only child…my Alexander.

One month.
Two months.
No news of either.
Three months.
Four months
Nothing still
Five months.
Six months.
Things got cooler.
Seven months.
Eight months.
I’m so cold…
Nine months.
Ten months…
A year…
Everything froze…except for me.

He never came back.
Father and Son.
Devil and my love.
My Alexander……

Everyone…frozen in place.
Like ice statues, with a sheet of ice draped over them
In an ice palace.
In the depths of hell
Jagged with frozen flames
Dangerous, but beautiful
And dead.

I walk amongst them…
Still…
Cold…
Lifeless…
Lonely…
I caress their faces.
Looking for my son among them
In the ice museum

He went out to play one day…and never came back

I sit
Wishing to die
But cannot
For I am already dead.

I think of all the people who made promises.
To do something when hell froze over.
Well it’s frozen, and so I make a promise
When hell thaws out, I will have my revenge
I will find my son
I will find the Angels who did this
And I will administer my own justice

Together

Him and I

Mother and Son

Forever

Vengeance will be mine

 

 

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Aside

Playing for Patience

Of all the games in the world
I hate your games the most
They aren`t challenges of my intellect
Nor of my speed
Rather you prefer to test that of my patience
With your lack of speed

What do you think you will accomplish from that?
You frustrate me to no end
Having to wait for you
To form your long sentences of numbers
To give me the clue to your pointless games
To lure me into believing that I have something to gain from all this pain

Sitting here waiting for you is worse than dying a hundred times
Or being condemned to a lifetime of work
I have other more important work to do…
If only you let me

For all my life I waited
Waiting for you to go
But you just take your time
Admiring the roses
The sky
And everything in between

But really?
What is there to admire
All roses, flowers and sky are coded in a numerical code
Something I would never understand
Nothing in your world is real
Everything is done through your ridiculous code
Time is nothing
Time passes but it doesn’t

You take your time
As my life goes by
I wonder if I will ever get to finish everything I set out to do

Probably not
By the time you are ready
I would have given new life
Another life
To start again
To wait for you
In the darkness of the basement
Hoping not to face the same fate again

But probably will
As many generations before me have

I sigh…
Give up
And write a poem
About the slow
Dumb
Connection from a basement so secluded
So alone…that I probably won’t get one even as class starts today

You gave me hope
And crushed them again

And so I wait
With this reluctance
For you to yield to me

And finally you do
But you take your time
To show me what I want to know
And test my patience once again

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