Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘feeling sad’

Defined

I keep telling myself
I will not be defined by my relationship status
I keep telling myself
Lies that I’m not lonely
That I’m happy
And independent

But the truth is
That more than anything
I want to love
And have those feelings reciprocated
That more than anything
I want to have a family of my own to go home to
To work hard
And give everything that I am
To someone I know
Would drop everything for me

But I hold back
All my feelings bottled up inside
Still acting
Still playing a role I’ve outgrown

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Quote

“In writing, I forget, for a brief moment, how lonely I am.” -MoiraSterling (Alcina Fong)

Used and Worn

I’ve always seen the best in people
I’ve always loved you regardless of your flaws
To me you are the epitome of perfection
So why is it when I’m hurt
When I’m down and out
That I don’t see you standing next to me
Supporting me as you should

You say you love me
But are those words as empty as your heart?
As hollow as your soul?
As cruel as your mind?

Am I the fool who continues to love despite the pain?
Am I blind?
Oblivious to what you do to me?
Can I truly be so stupid
To keep on loving you?

The answer is yes.
The answer is always yes
Because you know that I know
That there isn’t I thing I wouldn’t do for you
Because you know
That I love you
But it hurts to know
That you use me
To achieve an end
I’ll never be able to share
Why is it that I am the one who has to make sacrifices
So that you can watch the world burn precisely as you wish

I’m tired of letting you hurt me the way you do
But I have nowhere to go
You’ve burned all my bridges
Burning me down

The Good Girl

I’m not the kind of girl
Who boys would drop everything for
I’m not the kind of girl anyone ever notices

My purity
Measured by the colour of my dress
Meant nothing to you

To you I am not invisible
I am the one who took your breath away
As you have taken mine
Do you remember what it was like
To gaze upon the stars?
Do you remember the way your breath caught in your throat
When you first met me?

I never believed I could be anything more
But you showed me
What it was to spread my wings and soar
But then you left me
But I never forgot my worth

I cannot unsee the sun
Nor mistaken the shadows for reality
The frozen spring
Will not fade
But my once shrouded eyes can never see again

I long to be myself again
To retreat into the comforts of who I was
But like stepping into a river
It’s never the same thing twice

Not Worth the Time, Not Worth the Effort

It’s hard knowing
That I’m not worth the time
Not worth your efforts
Nor will I ever be
But I should know
I should know better
For I brought this pain upon myself

Yet the tears keep coming
And my heart keeps breaking
Over the same things
Over the same thoughts
These are the tears I should not have to shed
I should not have to cry myself to sleep
Each time I think of you

Loving you has give you the power
To inexplicably hurt me
“Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side”
I have lost in the ultimate sense

Life was better when love was unrequited
Gone are the days
Where comfort laid in writing
Gone are the times
I could watch the world fade away
Those who say that it is better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all
Clearly never met you before

I was destined for solitude
Love had always been platonic
I was in love with the idea of love
I was in love with the intellectual
It was all I knew
It is all I will ever know

You always kept pushing
Pushing me out of my comfort zone
Pushing
Too hard
Too fast
You knew of my past
My upbringing
But still you pushed

A relationship isn’t about seeing how far you can push
Before I break
Crumble
Or shatter

I can’t keep up
I can’t keep giving up more of who I am
Just to be loved
There’s nothing left of me
There’s no one I recognize inside anymore

I’ve lost myself in loving you
Though both of us knew
We knew well enough
It would never last
But we kept pushing
We kept hoping
Looking to search for something that wasn’t there
But now all I can wish for
Is a way to reset
To erase all this pain
To bring back our memories
Of the pleasant days past
What would it take
To forget the things that I’ve said
To forget the things that I’ve promised

Perhaps it’s easier to just give in
To give up my sense of who I am
To forget that I have morals
To engage in pleasures I could only ever dream of
But would I?
To lose myself

Too long have I played a role
I thought someone understood me when I found you
But now all I want is to curl up and die
I’ve already given up
There’s no one in this world
Who would miss me when I’m gone

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