Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘anxiety’

All The Small Things

It’s easy to say
Don’t let the small things bother you
But you don’t know me
The intimate way I know me

You don’t know what it’s like
To have a small nip
Gnawing away your insides
Until it’s raw and throbbing in pain
Turning nothing into a life destroying travesty

I wish you could understand
That this is the way I am
I wish you could help me through it
Instead of telling me not to worry

What you don’t understand
Is the monsters under your bed
Live inside my head

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Adoration

It feels as though it’s been so long
For I know not what it’s like
To be in love

How long has it been
Since my heart has been filled with such joy
And my nights of sleepless bliss

Thinking of you
Has done all that and more

I look forward
To what the future might hold

For I know in my heart
That I want someone as kind as you in my life

For beauty fades
And that’s not what I fell for

You are the kind of man
I’d be proud to say I knew
And I’d be prouder yet
If you fathered my children

Two sides of Broken

Do you have any idea
What it’s like
Waking up one day
Loving the world
Knowing your dreams
And what you wanna do
For the rest of forever
And the next morning after
Laying in bed
Barely able to move
Your heart pounding in your chest
Your anxiety choking you

Do you know what it’s like
To feel like such a failure
Not having done anything useful with your life

I may not have led a hard life like some
But this doesn’t prevent me from an anxiety filled future

Everyday it’s getting harder
To look myself in the mirror and tell myself that everything will be ok
When I know that it won’t be

How can someone as broken
And as divided as I
Ever find someone who can
Keep up
And love me for all the ups and downs

I may not be the most sensitive
Or the tactful
But I know
That when I love you
I will trust you
And give you my all

I will believe your lies
Until you give me a reason not to
But most of all
I will see you as perfection
Even when the world can’t see it
Even when you can’t see it

So please
Give me a chance
I may be high maintenance
But I can guarantee you
You’ll know
When I’m through with you
That you’re the best thing
That this world has

 

Anxiety Kills

Do you know what it’s like?
To feel your heart beating in your throat?
To feel the rush of adrenaline through your body as you try to focus?

Do you know what it’s like
To feel the fear of inadequacy
Burning like electricity through your limbs
Shaking, drained, and used

Do you know what it’s like
To try so hard
To be so close to victory
But never taste it
Like grasping smoke
Ever elusive

Fear
Anxiety
Not allowing my mind to be satiated by the usual means
Choking the joy from my life
Refusing to allow me rest

Tell me you know what it’s like
To watch yourself crash and burn
And remain powerless to respond
To defend yourself
As the panic rises
And consumes you

Tell me you know what it’s like
To be buried alive
Screaming until your voice is hoarse
And your lungs are raw
But knowing
That no one can hear you
That no one can help you

Tell me you know what it’s like
To be suffocated
By your dreams
By your love
By the walls closing in

Tell me you know what it’s like
When your brain shuts down
When you become nothing more than a hollow husk
A shadow of your former self

Too often have I seen it in those I love
Too often have I felt these feelings bubbling up inside of me
Too often have I sat alone
Crying
Seeking a solution where there is none

How many times have you’ve heard
Keep going
Keep pushing
You can do it
Words of encouragement
Lies we tell ourselves
To keep us going
All of it temporary
An obstacle to overcome for a better future

Too long have I suffered in silence
As have others felt the same
Silenced by the stigma
Can anything be done
To change the way the world sees me
Broken and damaged?
Or will I become someone I no longer recognize?
Someone who murdered the good in me
For a future good?

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