Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Posts tagged ‘angry’

Holding out

I keep telling myself
I’m holding out
For a miracle
For a better opportunity to come along
For true love

But is it true to say
That things like that were never meant for me?
Is it true to say
That I was destined for something bigger?
Something better?

I can’t see
For I can’t know
What fate has in store for me

I know that I am stronger than hoping for things to fall into my lap
But in my moments of weakness
I wish that there was someway
An easy way
To keep on living on in this world I’d like to see burn

Burning

People say
That the bite of anger
Will tear you apart
Limb from limb

I say let the fires of passion burn
And burst forth from the page
With a life renewed

You are the reason that flowers die
The reason empires fall
You are a disease
Who deserves to be murdered
Not swiftly
Not remorsefully
But with the same burning rage
Of sharp stinging words

Under my pen
You will squirm
And I will relish in your agony

Used and Worn

I’ve always seen the best in people
I’ve always loved you regardless of your flaws
To me you are the epitome of perfection
So why is it when I’m hurt
When I’m down and out
That I don’t see you standing next to me
Supporting me as you should

You say you love me
But are those words as empty as your heart?
As hollow as your soul?
As cruel as your mind?

Am I the fool who continues to love despite the pain?
Am I blind?
Oblivious to what you do to me?
Can I truly be so stupid
To keep on loving you?

The answer is yes.
The answer is always yes
Because you know that I know
That there isn’t I thing I wouldn’t do for you
Because you know
That I love you
But it hurts to know
That you use me
To achieve an end
I’ll never be able to share
Why is it that I am the one who has to make sacrifices
So that you can watch the world burn precisely as you wish

I’m tired of letting you hurt me the way you do
But I have nowhere to go
You’ve burned all my bridges
Burning me down

Breaking under the Pressure (Disclaimer: Don’t read if you’re easily offended because this may be about you and contains expletives a lot of them)

Lately the pressure has been building up and I haven’t really had an outlet for it. Mostly it’s frustration and anger and punching things doesn’t always work. It’s my first time actually working full time and I can honestly say that I prefer being a full time student; the stresses of schoolwork are nothing compared to the “real world.”

Sure people say that work is so much easier because you don’t have to bring your work home, but sometimes just going in to work, seeing the same people and dealing with the same shit or even having that shit pile up starts to take its toll.

When I first started working, I loved it. I still love that I have so much to learn and the few good customers make my job worthwhile. But the longer I stay at this job the less I feel like I want to stay. I know for certain that this job isn’t something that I want to be doing for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t do a good job or devote all my attention to it. However, as time went on, I stopped caring. Now, I’m not the kind of person who does a half-ass job and calls it a day when my shift ends. I am the kind of person who will keep working and doing my job even after I’ve clocked out for the day and keep thinking about it long after my day ends. To make me stop caring means I’ve had to put up with a lot of bullshit and I’m just past my breaking point.

I started this job as an introvert. My manager even said when i first started I was like a mouse, but now I’ve grown and changed and am able to speak out a bit more. I’m proud of myself for doing that, but I can’t take all the credit. I’d have to say it takes the right kind of person to be able to bring that side out of you. Only with her am I as loud and obnoxious as I am at home. But we are all human and we all have our flaws. She is much more extroverted than I am which makes her more personable and easy to get along with. I envy that because, yes, I am a nice person, but it takes time for me to open up and sometimes my silence is mistaken for coldness or rudeness. I still have trouble with eye contact, not sure why, but it is intimidating for me to maintain eye contact with anyone for more than a few seconds. As a writer, I love to tell beautiful lies and one of my coworkers tells it like it is. Sure, being frank is a good thing, but there is a right and wrong way of saying it. Writing will always be the best way for me to express myself. As fun as she is to talk to, sometimes, some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is kinda racist/stereotyping. And the other manager? Ugh, she is downright exhausting. She’s always asking me to do all kinds of things, but my plate is so full sometimes that I think I’m going to explode. And of course, there are people in our office who can’t do things right or are just downright lazy. But despite all that, I love them all. They are all good people. And that’s just it, they are people. They aren’t perfect, but neither am I. We all have our flaws and strengths, that’s what makes us all such a good team.

Recently, we’ve had a new addition to the team and I find her incredibly rude. I have never hated anyone in my life as much as I hate her. Do you remember the high school drama queen and what a bitch she was? How she went about making the lives of everyone super miserable? And how she had absolutely no regard for authority? Yeah, well this is our new hire. On her first day, she just kept talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and for fuck’s sake woman SHUT UP! Nothing of value comes out of that mouth and all she keeps saying is about how great of a person she is, how much experience she had doing stuff and essentially just bragging to anyone who will listen. Sure, self-promotion is important, but when people are talking to you and trying to genuinely get to know you, stop sounding so defensive and making everything sound as though you are going through an interview. She is just like a child. When a parent says, “No, don’t do that.” She goes and does it. Like, right now, you don’t know anything, so listen to what you’re told. When you have as much experience as the others in this office, then you can go do what the fuck you want, but until then just fucking do as you’re fucking told! Also, I don’t know about you, but when someone doesn’t want to talk to you, the grown up thing to do is to just do your own thing and just eat your lunch. Instead, this girl picks up her lunch, throws it into her bag and slams the door behind her, opting to sit in her car and eat merely because I didn’t want to talk since I use my lunch time to recover from all the talking I have to do and will have to do once my lunch is over. Next thing is that she is such a clingy little baby. I have never met anyone in the workforce who says “oh you can’t leave me” or “OMG, she left without saying bye to me.” Clearly, you have some insecurity issues that you need to work out. Also, telling me that you only have friends who are guys…like really? Are you saying that if you don’t get along with the other women in this office that it’s not your fault because you don’t know how to handle other human beings who don’t treat you like a princess? I also take issue with the fact that you think that you can tell me what to do. Before I address that, I’d like to repeat m earlier question. Have you worked here for almost four years? Do you have the same qualifications as I do? No, then your point is moot and you should just shut up! Also, telling the manager that she’s doesn’t think what the manager suggested was a good idea is a stupid thing to do. Again, no experience, so shut up.

Honestly, she is like a high school student. There’s no other way to put it but that she is childish. I mean only a high school student would think to interpret the fact that other girls say she dresses like a slut as them being jealous of her for being so pretty. On that note, also, once a coworker complimented her on her shirt. Know what she says? She doesn’t even say thanks, like normal people would. She says, “oh, I have so many shirts that it’s a struggle for me to pick out something to wear every morning.” Like what the actual fuck?

I’ve been able to put up with a lot, but I feel like I’ve reached my limit. I really want to quit, but I feel like I should just tough it out. I mean, how would it look? What would that say about me as a person if I just ran away from my problems? I will just keep working until I get into law school I guess. But for now, I’ll just see where life takes me….

Killing Hate

Hatred
Is an emotion that runs deep
That stems from that which we love most

Anger
Is an emotion that burns passionately
It is for and against those who we love most

It would be my pleasure
I would like nothing more
Than to put an end to what is nearest and dearest to my heart
To kill off the darlings I have created

One day I will have had enough
And it won’t just be my darlings I put an end to
One day it will be you
Your body lying still
Your mouth never again telling me what to do
What to say
Or what to think
For once in your life
You cannot critique me
Scold me
Or reprimand me
For the choices I make about my life
For once you’ve shut up
I live and I wait
For that day
When I will mourn your absence
But rejoice your silence

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