Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Priority

If you want me to stay
Give me a reason
I need to know I’ll always be your first priority
That you’d be willing to drop everything
To come to my aid

I need to know that you will push me to greater height
But not beyond my breaking point

Prove to me that you would
Choose me
Defend me
Protect me

If you can’t do that
If you won’t do that
Then I will walk
Because I learned years ago
A man does not define me

I don’t need him to succeed
To live
To love
I have myself

So give me a reason to keep you in my life
To stay in my life
You must earn it
And deserve it

You’ve told me once before
You’re not the type to provide blind support
But sometimes in the moment
Consumed by emotion
That’s all I really need

I need you to tell me that it’s okay
That I’m not crazy for feeling the things I do
For thinking the way I do
For acting and lashing out

I’m not asking that you forget about logic and equality
Your impartiality has its moments
And I know I can be stubborn
Particular in my ways
But let me ask you to see this through my eyes

For what reason do I have to live if I am standing on my own?
Why remain in solitary confinement
Where no one cares
Where no one is here for me

When I’m standing all alone
When I’m looking for support
For a shoulder to cry on
You’re the one who’s supposed to be by my side
But you’re not
You stand beside everything that is hurting me
Telling me that there’s something more that I can do

I look at you
And I see the one person I care for more than life
The one person I’d give everything to
Turn your back on me
I put all my trust in you
And you abandon me

I’ll never be the same
I’ll never trust you enough to tell you how I truly feel
Not anymore
If you can’t stand by me
Then who can

I’ve always thought it would be us against the world
I guess I was wrong
It’s just me

 

Location: 1534 S Harbor Blvd, Anaheim, CA
Website: http://www.thepizzapress.com

On our way in to our hotel, we passed this place.  It was, of course, Braeden who suggested we try it out.  After all, it is pizza and what does he love more than that? I didn’t mind since I hadn’t had pizza in a while, but more importantly, I was starving and any food sounded good to me.

We walked in at around 8pm local time and found it to still be quite bustling.  On the door, the hours stated that the place was open until 1am, one hour after the Disney Park closed, a perfect time and place to satiate any late night cravings.  From our vantage point, it was hard to see any details about the pizzas they had on their menu.  Luckily, they had smaller menus on double sided cards for us to peruse.  “The Herald” caught my attention right away.  It was the only pizza on the menu with a white sauce.  It also helped that there were onions and mushrooms on it, two of my favourite pizza toppings; I was sold. Despite not liking tomatoes on my pizza, with the exception of the actual tomato sauce, I decided to go with the pizza as is since that combination was chosen by the chef, I would give it a try first before changing anything because who knew, maybe I would end up liking it.  Braeden stuck to his familiar Hawaiian pizza, only here it was called The Sun and had bacon on it.  Honestly, before I could have cared less for bacon, but recently, after having fried up some pretty good maple bacon, I’m warming up to it.  The great thing about this place is that every pizza is customizable.  It’s clear that the chefs here take a lot of pride and care in what they do.  One in particular, I’m sorry I didn’t catch his name, asked each and every customer about his or her day.  It’s small things like that that make a place special.  Now I’m not saying that it’s not done at other places, but as this had a more fast food feel to it, it seemed different.  Like they actually cared.  He actually asked for details not like many other places where people ask as an automatic opener.

However, what struck me first was the way the place was setup.  Or rather, the theme that the place had.  I suppose the fact that it was called The Pizza PRESS should’ve clued me in.  The place is setup like a newspaper press.  The titles of the pizzas are related to common suffixes added to newspaper titles (ex. The Calgary Herald, The Calgary Sun, The Alberta Gazette, etc.).  Each step we had to take from ordering our pizza to customizing it to paying for it had a different “label” assigned that corresponded with some part of the editing/publishing process.  But what got me the most excited was the fact that there was a typewriter on display right on the counter.  And if I remember correctly, it was right between the two cash registers.

Since it was late, we opted to take the pizzas back tot the hotel to enjoy.  Since it was only a short walk from our hotel, the pizzas didn’t have a chance to get cold.  One bite and I was in love.  I remember thinking and saying to Braeden, “this is how [thin crust] pizza should be.”  The pizza here was vaguely reminiscent of the ones I had in Italy, only that the ones in Italy were more burnt and had less toppings.

Would I recommend coming here? Absolutely.  Would I come back here?  You bet.  The staff were friendly, the food was great, I didn’t have to wait long for my pizza.  They even have beer on tap (not that I drink beer, but it’s still pretty cool since beer and pizza are a classic pairing).  Of the many pizzas I’ve eaten, I have to say this place ranks in the top tiers.  Though it’s not my favourite food, I would still rate this place a 3.75/5.  I can’t say I’d give it a higher rating until I had the chance to dine in.  I guess there is only one bad thing I can say about this place, I can’t stop eating. It’s that good.

You are the company you keep
You are the stories you read
The movies you watch
The songs you sing

You are the sports you play
The teams you cheer on
The stories you tell
And the people you love

You cannot escape from who you’ve become
You are a better person because of it
But also worse

You are the company you keep
And they’re not the kinds of people I would call nice
They’re not the kind of people who I would ever befriend
They are loud, obnoxious
And possess qualities I abhor

I may not be able to describe in detail
That which repels me
But I know to trust my gut
To go with my heart
And these are not people I would dare to befriend

We are very different people
You and I
We have our vices
And our flaws

They have become a part of you
And I can’t take that away from you
Either I learn to live with the anger and hatred that comes with being in their presence
Or I break my own heart
By saying good bye
To the one person who I love more than my own life
Who has become the sun by which my world revolves
Extinguished

He left her there
Crying in the hotel room
To party with his pals

He left her crying
To go drinking
Because he couldn’t deal with her

Even in his embrace
In his kiss goodbye
He didn’t care how hurt and broken her heart had become
He had no love
No affection
No emotion
Left for her

She was a burden
But he had poured in so much time
So much money
That to leave
Was much worse than putting up with her

She lay there while he
Gambled away their future
Drank away their dreams
Becoming more and more hollow
Cold
And distant

When his head cleared
When he realized her words had merit
That behind her tears and vulnerability
Was true love
He didn’t rush up to meet her
He didn’t call or text her

Instead he let her think
He let her wallow in sorrow and self-pity
He let her worry about her insecurities
What was she to him?
Who was she?
Did it matter if she lived or died?

She knew now
That the world would be a better place
That he would be a better man
Without her

No one would miss her
She was sure
She could be replaced

After all
She was just a vessel
To carry a child
What did it matter?
It could be anyone

It had just been fate
Convenience
That threw them together

She loved him
She knew that much
But he didn’t love her
For who could love a nobody
An insecure, bat-shit crazy girl like her?

_______________________

He returned to their room
After drinks and sex
Why couldn’t she be like those easy girls?
Why couldn’t she just give in to his desires?

He glanced at her sleeping form
Shrugging and disappearing into the bathroom

He felt good
And why wouldn’t he?
He hummed to himself
Cleaning up before climbing into bed next to her

But something felt wrong
Something felt strange

He flicked on the lights to find nothing but a bundle of clothes
His heart filled with dread as he called out for her
She didn’t respond
She couldn’t
Not anymore

He found her lying in the bathtub
Still as could be
Pale as the moonlight
Her breath shallow
She lay there drowning in her own blood
Barely aware of his presence

Still
She knew he was there
She knew she had finally proven her courage to do what she had just done
She smiled
One last time
One last breath

Growing up Grown

Someone once asked
If I could live with the ire
Of a father who did not care about my life

A man who did not once raise me
But for the hand to rebuke me
A man who expected return for an investment he never made
A man who left my mother to tend to things
Simply because he couldn’t be bothered

And when he realized
When the inevitability of mortality hit
He tried to make amends too late

In my life
Or not
He made no memorable difference in my life
Only succeeding in instilling fear in me
Of his unpredictability

Parents all have their motives
Their way of doing things
That none of us understand until we are in their shoes
But I know that this was not love
That I will never let my children live

When I look in the mirror
I do not see beauty
I see all the things wrong with me
All the things that make me undesireable

But beauty is only skin deep
A mirror doesn’t just reflect the physical
A mirror shows you the cruelty behind my eyes
The lines of a frown
Permanently etched into my features

Why is it when you stand by my side
The hatred, the cruelty, the ugliness disappears?
What is that you bring that I do not have?
Standing next to you I’m perfect
Standing next to you makes me want to be better
A better version of myself
A better version for you
For our future
For our children

You made me believe
Brought out the best
Of who I could be

When I look at you
I see perfection
Still as can be
And true as true

How did a girl like me end up so lucky
To find someone as darling as you
What did I do to deserve this?

Regardless of it all
I love you
For what you have made me
For what you’ve brought to my life
And most of all
I love that you’ve opened my eyes
And allowed me to love myself

 

 

 

 

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