Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Anxiety Kills

Do you know what it’s like?
To feel your heart beating in your throat?
To feel the rush of adrenaline through your body as you try to focus?

Do you know what it’s like
To feel the fear of inadequacy
Burning like electricity through your limbs
Shaking, drained, and used

Do you know what it’s like
To try so hard
To be so close to victory
But never taste it
Like grasping smoke
Ever elusive

Fear
Anxiety
Not allowing my mind to be satiated by the usual means
Choking the joy from my life
Refusing to allow me rest

Tell me you know what it’s like
To watch yourself crash and burn
And remain powerless to respond
To defend yourself
As the panic rises
And consumes you

Tell me you know what it’s like
To be buried alive
Screaming until your voice is hoarse
And your lungs are raw
But knowing
That no one can hear you
That no one can help you

Tell me you know what it’s like
To be suffocated
By your dreams
By your love
By the walls closing in

Tell me you know what it’s like
When your brain shuts down
When you become nothing more than a hollow husk
A shadow of your former self

Too often have I seen it in those I love
Too often have I felt these feelings bubbling up inside of me
Too often have I sat alone
Crying
Seeking a solution where there is none

How many times have you’ve heard
Keep going
Keep pushing
You can do it
Words of encouragement
Lies we tell ourselves
To keep us going
All of it temporary
An obstacle to overcome for a better future

Too long have I suffered in silence
As have others felt the same
Silenced by the stigma
Can anything be done
To change the way the world sees me
Broken and damaged?
Or will I become someone I no longer recognize?
Someone who murdered the good in me
For a future good?

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