To The Boy I May Have Fallen In Love With,
I wish I could know how you felt about me: whether I’m just a friend or if there’s the potential for more. You have no idea what it’s like inside my head. Every conversation with you is a constant battle within myself, a battle between heart and mind. I don’t even know what it is I want! At times I wish only to remain friends and not ruining it by falling in love with you, but at others, in my times of loneliness and weakness, I wish that you and I could be together.
I’d like to give you some insight to my mind and introduce you to some of the demons that torment me as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. The case I made for being friends is governed by logic. And the one for love? My heart of course.
For friendship I’d say we were never very close to begin with. It took time for me to open up to you and sometimes I had to push you to conversation. In these short conversations, I learned more and more about you, pulling me in, intriguing me to find out more about what made you who you were and what kind of a life you led. I found out that we had so many things in common, it seemed impossible that we had not become friends sooner. I had never met anyone who shared the same deep inner thoughts and desires as me. But sometimes I think this commonality is what restricts us to friendship. As a lover, we’d have too much in common to be able to sustain a healthy relationship. Besides all that, I just don’t want to ruin this friendship with love.
This reasoning is all for nothing when the heart has her say, for she dominates all in my life and more so in my love. My heart pleads for love, for release from this loneliness I’ve known for far too long. One that has now become my strength and source of inspiration. But she is right, love is a much stronger motivator. As Plato once said, love turns us all into poets, that of course being a paraphrase. But it’s true. You have no idea what a wonderful and caring person you are. Every moment I spend with you, every conversation fills me with such joy. You have no idea how perfect you are already. Any girl would be lucky to have a man like you.
It will always be in my nature to care about you, as it is for me to care for everyone around me. Regardless of if we remain friends or become something more, you can always count on me to be there when the world has turn its back on you. You will always be someone important to me. No matter how much stress you cause me, no matter how many times I have to read and reread that which I send to you, know that I will never want you to leave my life.
I’m sure, by now, that you know who you are. I just want you to know that I’ll be here waiting patiently.