I drive this familiar road remembering what you called a better time. Everything looks so different covered in snow, shivering and bracing itself against the cold. Despite everything I’ve lost, despite everything that’s changed since you left, I can’t say life was any better before. Less lonely, yes, but like everything else in this world, it was temporary, fleeting, that’s what made it beautiful, that’s what made you beautiful.
Though everyone is gone. Though everything is different. Though I’ve lost you in my life. I don’t feel alone. Not anymore. Through loving you I found myself. Through seeing the deadness inside reflected on this lonely road I realized that I too had beauty. Too long I had been kept from seeing my truth.
I stop, taking in the dark, leafless trees standing tall against the sky. Defiant and declarant. All along I should have seen my strength. You didn’t make me stronger. You didn’t help me realize my full potential. Everything I did for you was never enough, but somehow that showed me what I was capable of. Like the winter, I realized how destructive you were in my life. Even when you assured me you loved me. I knew it couldn’t be true. How could it be? You were just a trick.
Without you, my life is complete.